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Sunday, March 26, 2006

THE INDIAN OLYMPICS


The last week I’ve been spending a lot of time with my musician buddies Colin Jensen, Gerard Singh, Amizan, Sherman Tan, Raymond Chia, Wan, Vishnu and Paul Ponnudurai. We’ve had several drinking sessions at the various outlets that they perfomed in, including Olde Tavern, Apartment 101, Slippery Senoritas and Big Fish.

Being the astute observationists that we are, we couldn’t help noticing a rather obvious trend - Indian guys with Chinese girls.

Yeah, yeah, I hear you say. This is bullshit. Old news. Yesterday’s newspaper. Hang on a minute, though. While it is old news, there’s been an upward movement in the trend level, a new paradigm shift if you will.

The latest trend now is for the Indian guy to look as if he’s bored out of his mind while the Chinese girl caresses him, hugs him, and culminates in her passionately kissing him. We actually saw couples “competing” in this activity, with the girls trying to outdo each other in the Indian Olympics.

The rest of us single, desperate and hard-up guys tried hard not to stare and concentrated on our drinks and the band. Jealous? You bet. It’s not just a one-off thing either, as it happened in all the other outlets we visited.

Let me state right here and right now that I have nothing against Indian guys. I certainly have nothing against Chinese girls, having dated, lived with and been burned by more than my fair share, to be perfectly honest.

What bothers me is where is my share? Why isn’t some chinawoman desperately trying to turn me on while I look coolly bored? Sheesh! Anyway, more power to you dudes.

Here’s a rap song I wrote, inspired by you guys. It’s a parody and yes I admit its sour grapes so please don’t get your underwear in a twist, ok?


YO YO FARKIN’ INDIO

Yo, I’m a farkin’ Indio, I own my own pub
Chinawoman by my side, I can rub rub
Whisky on my table, mixer soda club
I know I’m really cool, Grr! like a tiger cub
My place is happenin’ it’s a real social hub
Later tonight we’ll get in the hot tub to dub dub

Yo, I’m a farkin’Indio, check out my hip duds
I dislike other Indios, their asses so bloody dark
When I serve beer it’s got fresh foamy suds
Bonking chinawomen to me a walk in the park


Chorus:
Yo, I’m a farkin’ Indio, I own my own pub
Chinawoman by my side, I can rub rub
I know I’m really cool, Grr! like a tiger cub
My place is happenin’ it’s a real social hub

Yo, I’m a farkin’Indio, look at my bling bling
Shiny shimmering gold, just nice for a fling
My fashion? You can call me a ding-a-ling
Get your shades on, shortly I’ll be a-passing

Yo, I’m a farkin’Indio, who am I kidding?
I’m sitting here drunk, my ship is sinking
My mofos have left, after the free drinking
Chinawoman? In the loo homey, she’s peeing.

Chorus:
Yo, I’m a farkin’ Indio, I own my own pub
Chinawoman by my side, I can rub rub
I know I’m really cool, Grr! like a tiger cub
My place is happenin’ it’s a real social hub


Intellectual property © Dave Avran March 2006 Creative Commons.


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Comments:
Dei bloody bayi, u wanna kena wallop ah? watch yor moth ah!
- Muneeswara Pandian,
MIC Youth chief
Kg Medan Tambahan
 
Oh, nowadays become racist is it?
ur ass not black meh?
- Justin
 
Admit it, your just jealous cos u aint getting any yellow pussy. Wahahahahha!
- Kash
 
Wah lau weh. u asking for trouble dude.
- Albert
 
Dei macha,
watch your back. we're coming...
- Indios
 
Come on guys, can't you see the point here? He's just taking the piss out ot of you. It's humourous man - funny, get it?
- Alisha
 
Yeah, give the dude a break. He's just reporting what he saw in his own inimitable way. (read: very funny).

- Pei Shyuan
 
Dei bayee, adi venom mah? Soot nalla potor vain.
- kumar
 
Hey Dave, I'm Chinese and I'll kiss you in any pub you want.
- Boy George
 
err...thanks, but no thanks Georgie. I haven't reached that stage of desperation. yet.

dave
 
WE have been in the company of WANKERS old chap for far too long!!
- thaya
 
Hey Dave...Gerard here.I thought it was a cool entry.Very funny...especially the rap composition of yours.You do know I compose too and I thought the song was too cool.I wouldn't sing it though for fear of being WALLOPED or is it WALLOPPED!Ha ha...I* want you to know that you are my favourite indio and that the entry leaves me in stitches everytime I read.I'll also bravely vouch for the fact that you're not rascist!!!Oh ya...please do check out my blog ( http://asliceofmypie.blogspot.com/ ) and do let me know what you think.Any help from you would be greatly appreciated!Hope you don't mind me pasting the URL here.Thanks
 
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