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Monday, February 18, 2008


Spankin' DA Monkey has moved to new bigger and better premises.
Click here for more irreverent nonsense
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Sunday, January 27, 2008


The spanker and his latest girlfriend Wilhelmina Chan (picture above) wish everyone a happy healthy wealthy and wise Chinese New Year.
Gong Hei Gong Hei !


Good question, Samy. Now take a good long hard look at his hair and you will automatically know the answer.
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Persatuan Karyawan Malaysia – The Never Ending Story

Datuk Aziz Sattar led a group of 6 members to quit as committee members of Persatuan Karyawan on Jan 02, 2008 and has lodged a report against the top management of Karyawan alleging amongst other charges, mismanagement of funds.

The ACA has stepped in to investigate. This is nothing new. It’s an old and recurring story, like a broken record playing the same song over and over again.

Francis Danker, K.Selvaraj, Adrian Doshi, Edwin Nathaniel, Amizan Ariffin, Leonard Tan and myself walked out of Karyawan's annual general meeting on July 28, 2004, making the headline in the Malay Mail.

Later, Adrian Doshi and I quit our committee positions in protest of alleged funds given to actress Azean Irdawati to solve her personal financial problems and Francis dissolved the hotel and club artistes division. We maintained that funds generated through our various activities be used to aid musicians in need of urgent medical aid, and not to bail out members who purposely breached contracts and then got sued.

I urge Karyawan members to exercise their rights in the upcoming emergency annual general election meeting at 3:00pm on 05 Feb 2008 at the Johor and Kedah Halls in PWTC to choose their leader for the next term. Freddie Fernandez has been the president from 2005 to 2008. I will be there, of course, to cast my vote and to cover the event.

AMIZAN'S AMAZING ADVENTURES

On a related topic, I am now officially declaring that I am jealous of my brother Amizan Ariffin (different father and different mother mah, you Malaysian or what?). Not only is this cool cat a super talented singer, songwriter and entertainer but he also makes the pretty girls swoon when he croons. Being the manager of CK Music gives the lucky bugger the opportunity to regularly rub shoulders with some of the biggest names in musicdom at the NAMM.

The National Association of Music Merchants is the largest music products trade show in United States. Held every January in Anaheim, California, USA the show brings together all facets of the music products industry to reveal new musical instruments/products and ideas to help music products retailers and manufacturers become more successful. More than 80,000 NAMM Members and guests attended the show. NAMM is not open to the general public.


Joseph “Satch” Satriani was recruited by the Rolling Stones as lead guitarist for Mick Jagger’s first solo tour Satriani is widely recognized as a technically highly advanced rock guitarist and a virtuoso. He has mastered many performance techniques on the instrument, including Legato, two-handed tapping, sweep-picking, volume swells, harmonics, and extreme whammy bar effects. One of his trademark compositional traits is the use of Pitch Axis Theory, which he applies with a variety of modes. He is also adept at other speed-related techniques such as speed picking (a rapid form of alternate picking) and sweep picking.

Satriani has received 14 Grammy nominations and has sold more than 10 million albums worldwide. Since 1990, he has used his own signature guitar, the Ibanez JS Series, which is widely sold in stores. Satriani also has a signature series amplifier, the Peavey JSX.

Steve "Luke" Lukather is an American Grammy Award winning guitarist, singer, songwriter, arranger, and record producer best known for being the lead guitarist with rock band Toto. Lukather has also released several solo albums and, as a studio session guitarist, has arranged, composed, and recorded on over 800 number one albums. While his work with Toto is predominantly based on pop rock music, Lukather's solo work spans many genres including rock, prog, jazz and funk.



Amizan's new pop group should be called 3 Non Blondes. No prizes for guessing who's the non-blonde. Damn. The lucky lucky bugger. *Sigh* I'm off to the syariah court to find out how you divorce a "brother". I figure its about time for Malaysia's next scandal. You know, he sounds like my brother and he looks like my brother but...



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Australish - almost English dictionary


Contemplating a New Year tattoo in that fashionable area above the buttocks? To help you along, Australians have given them a not-so-fashionable name: "arse antlers." Want a suntan as well? You could have "tanorexia."

These are just some of the words the country's biggest online dictionary is asking people to vote for as word of the year for its latest annual update.

A "butt bra" raises the profile of the buttocks to go with your arse antlers, while "manscaping" refers to removal of body hair for men, sometimes tied to the female preoccupation with the "lady garden," or pubic zone.

"Tanorexia" refers to an obsession with a suntan, while a "salad dodger" is an obese person.




Other nominations for the Macquarie Dictionary Online include "infomania," for those who constantly put aside the job at hand to concentrate on incoming email and text messages. "Password fatigue" is frustration from having too many passwords to recall.

In business, the "glass cliff" refers to people placed in jobs with high risk of failure because they belong to a group not well represented in leadership positions, such as women.




Casting aside the personal, someone who spreads their clothes around the house, clean or otherwise, is said to be treating the room as a "floordrobe."

Or if the global credit crunch is hitting home, you may be tempted into becoming a "credit card tart," or someone who shifts loans around from one credit card to pay for another.

Even geopolitics gets a mention, with "Chindia" joining China and India, at least in Australish English, in terms of their fast growing strategic and economic clout in the world.

The "Great Firewall of China" refers to the block preventing Chinese internet users from accessing online sites deemed undesirable by the Chinese government. To get around it may take a "cyberathlete," or professional computer game player.

Susan Butler, the dictionary's publisher, said environmental themes were hot this year in a time of global warming, with "climate canary" referring to a geographical feature, plant or animal species pointing to climate change.



"Toad juice" refers to a liquid fertilizer produced in Australia from pulverized cane toads, an introduced environmental pest marching its way across the continent.


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ADAM, EVE & THEIR BLASTED APPLE

Intro:

This started off as an sms I sent to some of my closest buddies, some pretty sharp lawyer type females included and their subsequent replies and hilarious add-on comments escalated into this post.

Some guys were sitting at their favourite mamak stall, drinking Tongkat Ali teh tarik kurang manis and the topic turned to Adam and Eve. The Chinese guy said they must have been Chinese because they kept calm and didn’t panic when they saw the snake.

The Malay guy said “Bullshit! You Chinamen would have eaten the bloody snake, drank the blood, made aphrodisiacs of the remains and belts out of the skin and sold the apple” Adam and Eve must have been Malays because they were so good looking.

“Nonsense” said the Indian. “You Malay fellows would have quickly organized a gotong royong, caught the snake, sold it to the Chinese, covered Eve up from head to toe and sent her to a religious boarding school and made rojak buah out of the apple. Adam and Eve were not only Indian, they were definitely Malaysian Indians.

By now the others could not resist and took the bait. “How lah?” they asked.

“Look at the facts,” said the Indian “they had no shelter, no clothes, had to share one miserable apple, were advised by a snake and then told that they live in Paradise!”

On another note, lately I seem to be surrounded by relationship dramas of “he said, she said”. These days I’m so obsessed with blogging, I thought why not share my thoughts with you - my own theory about Adam, Eve and their blasted apple.

Even people who don’t believe in religion are familiar with Adam and Eve right? I trust you won't go all judgmental on me but read with a pinch of salt. Pinch of belacan also can if salt not available.

Prologue

Eve forces Adam out of the garden of Eden in Heaven…

Story Begins…

He never forgave her for it and neither have the generations of men following. Their collective consciousness, as I like to think of it, still harbors both unconscious and conscious resentment of all Eves.

Everything that went wrong in their life is traced back to a woman, from a crappy boss to a bad job to a miserable life – it is all her fault as after all it was a woman who displaced the prince from the throne, wasn’t it?

All this trouble for one measly apple?

But of course it wasn’t really about the apple was it?

Eve didn’t really care about the apple. It didn’t matter whether it was sweet or sour and she didn’t particularly want to eat it either. She wanted to see if she could make Adam have it… prove his love for her, so to speak. Then came the snake ssslithering in…

The apple was never really the issue - the issue was power - hers over him.

The Story Continues...

And to this day the same story continues. All relationships are power games, some very subtle and running totally undercover and others not so subtle. There are apples all around disguised in so many shapes and forms, some cajoling, some slyly persuading and others outright shoving it down someone’s throat. The name of the snake in this story is power a.k.a control

In the beginning the power issue is covered by the headiness of new love, couples lost in the hazy glow of love, ecstatic with euphoria, which they insist on sharing with all and sundry in unabashed displays of public affection. So what if 6 months down the road we have our slithery friend rear its smooth, triangular cold blooded and fanged head?


Of course those in that particular phase of love will shake their heads disdainfully and say that I am just jealous – but you’ll see what I mean. It happens to everyone, even to those happily married. Power and its distribution is what makes everything run.

The human race is all about 'survive or perish' and to survive we need power – either to relinquish all of it or to wield it. Not to digress from the topic of relationship [how the hell did we get here anyway?] of men, women and power … basically we repeat and relive the Adam and Eve saga with bizarre twists, plots and storylines

The Adam who likes to think he is in control but isn’t meets the Eve who actually is


In this case our Adam likes to think he has the power and is a forceful, dominating person but actually isn’t. If humans behaved rationally he would be attracted to an Eve who would cajole, feed and flatter him, and make a nice pie out of that apple, dusted with a little icing sugar and cinnamon… he would do anything for her – you could maybe even find him putting the toilet seat down and helping with the household chores. But I think I digress and I'm getting too fanciful here...

All he needs is a couple of massages, nicely cooked meals (not necessarily every day), compliments, and to be made to feel like he is indeed the king of the castle. But of course human nature being perverse there are far more chances that he will be attracted to an altogether different sort of Eve... the one that means business. No flattery or massages here.

She won’t let him get away with pretending he is running the show... its equality or nothing. Apple sliced down straight in the middle, so to speak. Of course initially poor Adam huffs and puffs trying to bring the house down... he shouts and throws a tantrum but she throws a bigger, pms driven one…

There are other scenarios…

Control Freak Eve and an even more controlling Adam. Passive Aggressive Eve and a slightly dominating Adam

But their tales can wait, for I can hear my mother calling me to eat my apple now.

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Sunday, January 20, 2008

It never fails. Whenever I have occasion to mention that my ex-girlfriend is in the airlines, the next immediate question is “have you joined the Mile High Club?” I get so tired of explaining to these curious cats that I only held hands with my ex.

Ours was a pure love.

Now that you’ve barfed, here’s a guide to keep you satisfied.

In flight Sex Guide

For your own safety, comfort, and that of your fellow passengers and crew, please observe the following regulations when engaging in inflight sex.

Sex while Seated

Regulations require that you keep your seatbelts fastened at all times when seated. Therefore, only oral and manual sex are permitted in the main cabin.

If you desire privacy, you may request a blanket to conceal your activities.

Autofellatio

This option is always available to our passengers who prefer to self-suck. To avoid head injuries, make sure your tray table is secured in its upright and locked position.

Hand Job

To initiate a hand job, unzip the fly of the passenger seated immediately next to you, freeing his penis. Grasping the shaft firmly, use a brisk up-and-down motion until climax is achieved. Flight attendants may provide moist towelettes for cleanup, if you ask nicely. Hot towels are available for our first-class passengers.


Blow Job

To initiate a blow job, unzip the fly of the passenger seated immediately next to you, freeing his penis. Rotate your torso 90 degrees and flex at the waist until your mouth contacts the recipient's hard on. Move head up and down as indicated.

Passengers who are unable or prefer not to swallow for religious reasons may use the paper receptacle bags located in the forward seat pocket. After use, hand the bag over to a flight attendant for proper disposal.

Sex in the Lavatories

For the comfort and consideration of all passengers, we request that couples limit their sessions to 15 minutes or less, whether or not climax is achieved. Please hang the "Having Sex" sign on the lavatory door so that you will not be disturbed.

To facilitate sex in the close quarters of an airline lavatory, we suggest the following positions. Due to the size of the facilities threesomes are prohibited. Seated sex positions are recommended if the airplane encounters turbulence. We must remind you that smoking after sex or tampering with a lavatory smoke detector are federal offenses.

Blow Job (Sitting)

If emergency fecal evacuation is required, this position may be used for performing a blumpkin maneuver. In this case, be sure the commode lid is OPEN.

Blow Job (Standing)

If you do not swallow, please spit into the commode or alternately, the sink.

Cunnilingus

To avoid being overwhelmed by a foul odor, be sure that the commode lid is shut before your female partner is seated. If the commode is closed and you are still overwhelmed by a foul odor (particularly tuna fish) during cunnilingus, we suggest your partner review basic hygiene procedures.

Unfortunately, due to space considerations, an in-flight bidet is not available.

Fingering (Seated)

After inserting a hand into your partner's panties, digitally stimulate her clitoris using up-and-down,

side-to-side, or circular motions. If you cannot locate the clitoris, refer to the detailed diagramon the other side of this card.

Intercourse - Doggy-Style against Sink

Save time by using this position to wash your hands or fix your makeup while having sex.

Intercourse½- Sitting on Sink

Avoid activating the faucet in this position or you will end up with an extra large wet spot.

Intercourse ½- Sitting on Commode

To maintain the aircraft's equilibrium, we ask that passengers refrain from riding the baloney pony too vigorously during flight.

Intercourse½- Standing against Commode

If you prop one foot on the toilet, kindly ensure the lid is closed. Failure to do so may result in a sprained ankle or accidental loss of footwear.

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Page 4, Star Weekender, January 19, 2008
click on article to enlarge


Sarong Party My Brown Ass

Welcome to our globalised world

I saw this article in the newspaper and told myself I have two options – I could let it slide or I could say my two cents opinion. Those who know me will not be surprised when I say serves the bloody bitch right.

Go prostrate yourself before the great white man. Go rub your friends and family’s noses in the fact of his light melanin. Oh look everyone! I am sooo superior to you because I have the metro sexuality to be with the white race!

I’ve achieved every dumb Asian girl’s dream, the ‘must have’ de rigueur designer toy white boyfriend-in-tow.

I hate hypocrites. I hate bloody kwai lohs who prey on Asian girls because these stupid girls are easily impressed with some scrap of attention from the great white man. Stupid stupid girls. You should see them in Hard Rock Cafe, fighting for the white man's attention. Bloody pathetic.

In the rare event that you have never heard of this term before, let me start by educating you on what a sarong party girl is. Usually decked out in black, the SPG is typically an attractive Asian girl who sports waist length jet black hair and maintains her brown skin by sun tanning on the beach during the weekends.

In a nutshell, she is the complete opposite of a Caucasian woman. She despises local men, and will only go out with you if you are white, rich and well, just white. Many young and beautiful Asian girls have been spotted at pubs canoodling with white men. Never mind that the men are fat, balding, and openly drooling.

To put it simply, if you are white, you get lucky. Many people see the image of a sarong party girl as being synonymous with a high-class prostitute that offers her company for a payoff. The tradition of the White colonization of the weaker Asian nations is still very much alive, as played out by the observation of the scene.

The modern day sarong party girl however, has discarded that old image and gone through a revamp greater than the land where our former Bukit Bintang Girls School stood. She has a career, can sometimes be a fanatic of skin whitening products and goes after white men aggressively.

You are more likely to find her in the golden triangle and Bangsar, and she certainly owns a more creative wardrobe of varied colours. Everyone knows that the skimpy all black outfit is so last year. However, the one thing that will never change is the white men that accessories this new generation of sarong party girls.

You might then ask yourself, what do these girls find in white men that they cannot find in the local guys? The most typical responses we hear from these women are that white guys have bigger everything.

1. White men have bigger wallets, bigger cars, bigger houses and more maids

2. White men are more out-going and fun, while local men are boring and stingy. In fact, most locals would still be living with their parents till they got married.

3. White men are more proactive in going after women. Local men shy away in fear of rejection.

4. With bigger builds and a swaggering macho feel to them, white men perhaps provide a better
sense of security to women.

5. Last but not least, and possibly the most important factor of all, white men have bigger
schlongs than us.

All white-worshipping women out there take note.

Please do not confuse yourselves - I am not referring to serious relationships and inter-marriages. I am referring to Asian girls allowing themselves, nay indeed gladly maneuvering themselves to be picked up and getting bonked by whitey in the name of love and a better quality of life in the white man's land.

Serves the bloody bitch right.

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This is so funny that I am breaking one of my own rules and reproducing another blogger Pazuzu’s post here, verbatim and in full. You can see more of his satire at

http://www.thefloatingturd.blogspot.com/

The Drunken Indian Defense

Okay. So you've seen the video. The one that, if you listen to members of the Legal-Community, should bring the Judiciary down to its knees, forcing many judges to turn-in their black housecoats and comical wigs in shame.

Of course, you could argue that it is in fact more shameful to actually want to wear the black housecoat and comical wig to work everyday, but you would be - as you often are - wrong.
You see, in the Upside-Down World of the Law, where Black is sometimes White, Right if often Wrong and Guilty is always referred to in legal terms as Not Guilty, this otherwise-ridiculous attire is a symbol of Honour and Justice and stop laughing, dammit!
I'm being serious here!

Fine.
Read it yourself.

It clearly states in Article 20.2/:( of The Constitution of Malaysia that:

"The Wearer of The Black Housecoat and Wig shall, at all times, discharge his duties with Honour and serve the needs of Justice, insofar as insofar, even if He (or if no Hes are available, She) is laughed at by people wearing normal attire."

There.

So, in light of the revelations in the Lingam Video, The Legal Community is up-in-arms over something or other that besmirches the integrity of the Black Housecoat and Comical Wig.
I like saying besmirches.
Besmirches besmirches besmirches.

Members of the Legal Community are so convinced that this video is whatever, that 2000 lawyers, mistakenly believing that the Prime Minister can read, actually marched to Putrajaya the other day to present a memo to him demanding that Action Be Taken and that Prima Facie Verily Deo Ipsum Loqouituresque!

Imagine that! 2000 lawyers to deliver one memo! Boy, I'd hate to be the sorry schmuck who's going to foot that legal bill. Bloody thieving lawyers.

Meanwhile, The Government, in a response that can only be described as nincompoopy, has appointed a Special Three-Man Panel to ascertain what any pimply-faced Playstation-humping teenager can tell you within minutes:

Whether the tape is authentic or whether it is actually a Pixar-Animation production with the part of VK Lingam played by a guy in a blue-suit, probably the same guy who played Gollum so convincingly in The Lord of The Rings Trilogy.

But let us, you and I, not be morons for a moment and assume that the tape is indeed authentic. Come on. Let's. It's safe. Really.
There are people, usually balding manager-types, who will tell you that it's wrong to assume. They will tell you that when you ASSUME, "you make an ass out of u and me".
Then they will look at you expectantly, like they want you to applaud their superior intellect or something.
These people are idiots and you should point out to them you cannot really make an ass out of u and me. You can make an emu out of u and me. You can make meu, mue, uem, ume or even an eum. But you cannot, no matter how hard you try, make an ass out of u and me.
So the correct phrase should, in fact, be "U, me and an ass can make Assume" which sounds really stupid if said out loud by anyone who isn't Arnold Schwarzenegger.

So, having ascertained that both u and me cannot be made asses, we'll just go right ahead and assume that the tape is authentic. Okay?

Right.

My question to you now is this:

So bloody what?

Look at the video again. Look at the foreground. See that bottle there? Well, let's just say that it's not a bottle of Chili Sauce.

Hah!

Get it?

Chili Sauce?

Because his name is Lingam, you see. And there's a brand of Chili Sauce called fuck it never mind. You're a humourless lot, you are.

Anyway, if my years' of watching CSI have taught me anything, it is that the bottles in question are, in alphabetical order:

1) Dewars (probably White Label, subject to DNA results)
2) Red Wine
3) Sprite (probably to be used as a mixer for the Dewars)

So now let me ask you this:

Which Indian man do you know, having consumed copious amounts of alcohol, has NOT, at some point in his life, called someone up and promised him the Chief Justiceship of Malaysia?

This could've happened to anybody, dammit! And I should know.
This video of me that you're about to see was secretly filmed by some bastard whom I can't remember while I was happily drinking at some place that I can't remember:

Now does this mean that I'm guilty of anything?
Of course not!

Because according to unreliable sources who were also drinking at the time, this conversation was recorded while I was calling a cab to take me home. And I have a vague memory of listening to hold-music (I think it was The Yellow Rose of Texas) throughout the time I was talking.

So all I'm saying is that we should give Lingam the benefit of the doubt. For all we know, he could've been talking to his mother. Or attempting, in his inebriated state, to order a pizza.

Disclaimer:
I'm not suggesting that Lingam was drunk while he made the call. It is entirely up to you to figure that out for yourself. You can mathematically calculate the drunkeness of an Indian using the following formula - 3.14(circumference of hand waving) X voice decible level + number of times the word correct is used.
The higher the number, the more drunk he is.

And if Lingam was, in fact, drunk at the time, then even if he was talking to the judge, he can simply use The Drunken Indian Defense to fight his case.

The Drunken Indian Defense, of course, has been used for years to absolve Indians of any wrongdoing whatsoever by allowing them to quickly plead "I was drunk" when caught. It has successfully been used in many cases where Indians have uttered such damning words as:

"Of course I can sing on stage!"

"I'll pay you back next week"

or, worst of all:

"I, take you to be my lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part."

Note:
The Drunken Indian Defense, as the name suggests, may only be used by Indians. Chinese people can't use it because they usually pass out after two drinks. And Malays can't use it because, as everybody knows, they...ahem...don't drink.

So, in conclusion, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we can deduce, using The Drunken Indian Defense, that Lingam is Guilty, which as you already know, according to The Law, actually means Not Guilty.
And with that, the defence rests its case.

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The album that defined "cool" in the 1980s


I was fooling around the net searching for retro sounds when I stumbled onto Cameo’s Word Up. Oh My God! Did the memories come flooding back A quick detour to Youtube had me laughing uproariously as I recalled lead vocalist Larry Blackmon’s hideous red codpiece.

"Word Up!" hit radio airwaves in mid-1986 and instantly became one of the biggest pop songs of the year. Critically acclaimed with large amounts of club and radio airtime, the resulting album Word Up! turned Cameo into superstars. The follow-up tracks "Candy" and "Back and Forth" were also huge hits for the funk trio.


By the end of 1986, Word Up! seemed to be everywhere: radio, clubs, MTV, Coca-Cola commercials and even in people's conversations as it became a national catch phrase. Larry explained in his interviews that the inspiration for the title came from a fan who shouted "Word Up!" after a UK-show. Some music critics have hailed "Word Up!" as the defining song of the 1980s.


A young LeVar Burton played the detective in the video, complete with swaggering “suspect walk” dance. An accomplished actor, LeVar is best known for his roles as Kunta Kinte in Alex Haley’s series Roots and In Star Trek: The Next Generation series as the blind Lieutenant Geordi La Forge. For Non-Trekkies, that’s the guy with a car air filter around his eyes.



1986 was quite a year. I was busy perfecting an advanced level of drummer nerdiness that future generations would never be able to equal, and Cameo was releasing what was, to me, the coolest song I had ever heard in my life. Word Up was huge; not since the heyday of Fonzie had I encountered such a concentration of coolness in anything.

Everybody loved this song, everybody played this song, and everybody inevitably introduced the word Owwwww into his/her vocabulary. Then the song Candy was released, another great song that increased the shelf life of Larry Blackmon's campy over the top style and trademark Owwwww for several more months. The way I saw it, you couldn't even pretend to be cool without owning this album.

At first glance, you look and see only seven songs and wonder what the deal is here, but let me rationalize this seeming weakness of the CD by explaining that the album is 35 minutes long, with two songs over five minutes long and one spanning an excess of six minutes; thus, while it's still a relatively short album, it is not "too short" by any means

While none of the other tracks comes close to equaling the power of Word Up, this is still a great album all the way around. The only thing I knew about funk at this time was that Rick James' Superfreak was the funkiest funk around. I knew nothing about Cameo's emergence in the late 70s and their successful adaptation to the musical changes of the 80s, not only surviving where other funk bands fell by the wayside but prospering like nobody's business.

I guess this can be called hip-hop music; all I know is that this was bold, cutting edge stuff to my relatively young little mind. Now, I can appreciate this album in altogether new ways, and I must say it's still all kinds of cool. She's Mine is a great song, with Blackmon telling some unwelcome stranger that he doesn't appreciate him making moves on his special lady. Featuring a rap-like section and hard-driving beat, it's vintage Cameo.



Back and Forth is another beat-rich track with an infectious groove sound. Don't Be Lonely is something of a slower yet still quite funky little track. Fast, Fierce, and Funny has a cool bass bridge voiceover and a steady beat that you may struggle to get out of your head as it explains to you that money isn't everything in this world.

Somewhat ironically, the final track You Can Have the World is an empowering song communicating the fact that you can have whatever you want in life, including wealth, if you just get up off your ass and work for it.

Although Gun, Korn and Spice girl Mel B have done their cover versions, for me, Cameo's original Word Up! is an indelible part of the 1980s and my coming of age, but this music is by no means old and out-of-date in the twenty-first century.

Something this cool never really goes out of style.

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Monday, January 14, 2008

Sharlinie Mohd Nasyar, (Nini) 5 yrs old, Height 1 metre, Weight 20kg,

Missing since 9 Jan 2008.


What The Bloody Hell Is Wrong With Us?


Another two cases of young children being abducted. One was lucky. She was recovered several hours after being abducted and she was not harmed by her abductor. The other, Sharlinie Mohd Nashar, is not so lucky as she has yet been found. No one knows her fate except for her abductor.

As opposed to Nurin, Sharlinie was abducted in broad daylight. What is happening here? Why does this keep happening? Who is behind all these abductions? Are they committed by the same person or different people using similar modus operandi? What is being done to nab these culprits and prevent more abduction of young children, particularly girls?

Many of us are complaining about the rising crime rate. However, how many of us are actually doing something to help reduce crime? We complain and we expect the police and other relevant authorities to do something about it. Why don't we be more proactive and lend the authorities a helping hand to reduce crime?

If we happen to witness a crime, how many of us are willing to come forward to the police as witness? If we show apathy and unwilling do our part in fighting crime, do we reserve the rights to criticize the authorities when crime rate is on the rise? If we are up against a very determined criminal, no amount of protection is sufficient to protect us. Thus, we are responsible in providing for our own safety and also the safety of our loved ones by taking preventive measures.

My message here is to stop bitching, get off your ass and do something about it.

This attitude of its not my business as long as me and mine are safe doesn’t cut it anymore. We have to start looking out for one another. We have to start behaving like human beings again, hard nosed privacy obsessed city slickers notwithstanding.

You – yes, I’m talking to you, buster - can make a difference.

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Sunday, January 13, 2008














(click on article to expand)

Say one thing but do the opposite...











Tai Kor Is Watching You Lah Wah Liau

It took 24 years longer than expected, but the future has finally arrived.

And I don't like it. Not one bit.

We are fighting a war with no end to create a peace with no defined victory.

Our civil liberties are in danger of being discounted.



We are told that it's better not to know what our government is doing in our name, for security purposes. Meanwhile, our government is becoming omnipresent, spying on us whenever it deems it necessary.

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.



George Orwell was right after all.

In 1949, Orwell penned "1984," a dark, futuristic satire in which the totalitarian government used indoctrination, propaganda and fear to enforce order and conformity. His "Big Brother" — the face of this all-knowing regime — was never wrong, and to make sure of it, history was constantly being rewritten.

Orwell wrote his book as a cautionary tale to underscore the insidious danger of slowly eroded individual liberties. His Thought Police may not yet be on the march, but it's not hyperbole to point out the eerie parallels with today's Malaysia.


In Malaysia today, Big Brother is watching.

Orwell must be turning in his grave. He would have been aghast at how real such monitoring of ordinary people has become in this country.

There are 4.2 million CCTVs planted nationwide in Britain – one camera for every 14 people who are caught on camera an average of 300 times a day.

Are Malaysians heading the same way with the recent announcement to install CCTVs in buildings and crime-prone areas? Certainly, there are issues to consider.

British paper, The Evening Standard reported in March 2007 that the Royal Academy of Engineering (RAE) had issued a warning that any security system was “vulnerable to abuse, including bribery of staff and computer hackers gaining access to it”.

A nationwide standard for CCTVs would make it possible for all information gathered by individual cameras to be shared – and accessed by anyone with the means to do so.


As more CCTVs are installed, Malaysians will have to get used to being constantly monitored.

The RAE report follows a warning by the British Government’s Information Commissioner Richard Thomas that excessive use of CCTV and other information gathering was “creating a climate of suspicion”.

The Home Office stated that “CCTV works best as part of a package of measures.” The cameras, which are placed at the heart of the country’s crime prevention policy, may be more effective as a detection tool than as a deterrent, researchers found.

Also, Britain’s National Association for the Criminal Rehabilitation of Offenders (Nacro) points out that while CCTVs reduced crime by 5%, better street lighting lessened crime rates by 20%.

“It would be foolish to claim that well-planned CCTVs can never have an impact, but their effectiveness is often overstated. This places a big responsibility on councils and others to think through the implementation of CCTV and ensure that is not favoured in place of cheaper and more effective measures such as adequate street lighting,” Nacro’s Crime and Social Policy Unit spokesperson Rachel Armitage said in a press statement in June 2002 after Manchester installed Britain’s most advanced digital CCTV system with 400 cameras covering the city centre.

Criminologist Dr P. Sundramoorthy from USM's School of Social Sciences concurs. “I live in Batu Feringghi, Penang. The street lights are not functioning most of the time. What’s the point of installing CCTVs when it is too dark for them to capture any footage?” he says.

A preliminary assessment of CCTVs used by local councils thus far also shows mixed results.

In Subang Jaya, Selangor, for example, there was a drop of 31% of snatch thefts after 100 CCTVs were installed. But in Johor Utara, where 18 units were fixed, there was a 194% increase in snatch thefts. Petaling Jaya, with 22 units, recorded a 10% increase, and Klang, with six units, had a 17% increase.

Experts believe criminals simply switch their operations to less high-density areas such as housing suburbs.

Kamalruddin Shamsudin, deputy director- general I of the Federal Town and Country Planning Department under the Housing and Local Government Ministry, explains that many CCTVs installed are not operated by the police, resulting in poor, or no, response. The cameras also result in poor quality images due to low resolutions of less than 25 frames per second.

In the Nurin Jazlin Jazimin case, a CCTV placed outside a building managed to capture a man dumping her body inside a black garbage bag. But the picture quality was heartbreakingly too bad for police to identify the man, even after technical assistance was sought from the United States’ Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI).


Dr Sundramoorthy believes that Malaysians still do not have a clear understanding of crime prevention.

“We have the mindset that crime prevention is a role for the police. But the police functions are reactive more than proactive.

“Effective crime prevention requires the role of everyone in society. There can never be zero crime, we can only minimise it. This requires the participation and efforts of the police, private security, architects, community, treatment programmes, schools, and courts.

Installing CCTVs is not the cure. Its a stop gap measure, like applying a band aid on someone who's bleeding from the loss of a leg. Education is the answer, the long-term solution.

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Mamak! Why No Roti Canai Ah?

Malaysia
is in the midst of a cooking oil crunch, which the government has blamed on panic buying and smuggling. Supermarket shelves in several states were stripped of cooking oil last week, resulting in restrictions imposed by the government to curb the shortage. Malaysia enforced a rationing of five kilogrammes of cooking oil per person per purchase.


When asked for his comments, Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi requested for his notes from an aide and announced that Malaysia will increase the quota for subsidised cooking oil to overcome a nationwide shortage of the vital commodity.

"To overcome the problem a meeting to discuss the issue decided to sharply increase the quota for the production of…damn that Khairy I can’t read his writing… substitute…err…prostitute…no, subsidise cooking oil with immediate effect," he was quoted as saying.

Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs Minister Datuk Shafie Apdal blamed the crisis on smugglers who cash in on subsidised Malaysian oil by moving it to neighbouring countries.



Abdullah said about 800 million ringgit (US$244 million) was spent annually on the cooking oil subsidy.

The shortage of cooking oil was also caused by strong demand following recent religious celebrations he said.

Abdullah said he expected the shortage to be resolved in the next few days, adding that there would not be any price hike.

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