Click to see the video

Another sordid tale of Malaysian politics. I don’t mean to jump on the circus bandwagon and capitalize on this sleazy news, just that I saw a spike in my visitor count to this blog and that got me wondering why. Then I realized it’s because one of my old posts had a tag of “Dr Chua Soi Lek” which is not related to the latest sensational news about our ex-Health Minister.

It also got me thinking on several points of the issue. Firstly, I am of the opinion that if a person does his job well then his private life is his own business. Secondly, I was intrigued by the term “personal friend”.

Well, we have our own Bill Clinton to look up to now. Anything the Americans can do, Malaysians can do better.

In case you have been on Pluto for a vacation, let me re-cap - our Malaysian ex- Health Minister did a Paris Hilton and appeared in a sex video tape. 61-year-old Tan Sri Dr Chua Soi Lek was caught with his pants down having sex with a young girl.

It appeared that he wanted to start 2008 with "a bang". It was a set-up and he was "screwed". He "cocked up". I understand he got “buggered”. When you're bonking someone who isn't your wife, it's going to be "hard” to clarify your “position”. Ok, ok enough already with the innuendos.

The video was leaked and made into a DVD distributed throughout Johor. Following the release of the sex tape, the Health Minister who is also MCA (Mesti Cari Ahmoi) Vice-President subsequently apologised and resigned from all party and Government posts.

That naughty naughty boy.

Here’s what intrigues me - the minister claimed that the young woman he was caught having sex with was "a personal friend".

According to my trusty Webster’s dictionary, a friend is a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile and personal means relating to, directed to, or intended for a particular person.

Therefore if we combine the two words as “personal friend” we get a meaning of “a particular person whom you enjoy good terms and relations with, but not horse style”. In other words, a mistress. It appears the good Dr was spot on with his English. Therefore, following this line of logic if there are personal friends then there must be impersonal friends too.

I used to think personal friends are those people you go out with from time-to-time with to have teh tarik, You know, those same people who disappear all of the sudden when you need a little loan to tide you over till your next payday. I didn't know you could actually have sex with personal friends. Dammit! I feel so cheated. All you personal friends of mine - I want my sex now!

In the end, the minister resigned and it was all over within one day. Morally, he couldn't have handled it any better.

Knowing what our politicians in Malaysia are capable of doing, he could've demanded to set up a 3-man panel to investigate the authenticity of the tape. And then Nazri and Najib would come out and protect him. And then they would say there is no need for a royal commission.

Then 3 months later they would suddenly turn around and set up a royal commission. And then they would convene to recommend who to include in the royal commission. And then they would go to court for 10 months calling all witnesses to come forward.

Then they will claim to give these witnesses free plastic surgery to protect them. And then they would say the government is very caring and listened to the people. And then they would give the Health Minister a promotion. And then they would blame the opposition for trying to destroy the peace and stability of this country and lock them up using ISA.

Sounds familiar? Welcome to Malaysia, my friends.

Its sad Soi Lek had to go 'cos he was one of the good ones. Like Bill Clinton, Datuk Chua Soi Lek is a good politician who simply made poor personal judgments.

In all fairness, he could've argued that he was unselfishly testing out some new sex drug on behalf of the Malaysian public. But of course he's above all that. Well, now that he has “withdrawn” err... I mean, resigned, maybe he should endorse something.

After all, the old bugger did last 55 minutes in bed with a hot young chick. Even I (who can easily go on for 60 minutes *ahem*) have to admit that was pretty impressive for a 61-year-old grandpa. What did he take?

Oh well, at least only Chua's political career was killed from this episode, and not some Mongolian model. Talk about “blowing” up an issue.

Enough said.

Chua himself does not feel remorse for what he did, after all if one does get a chance to view the said DVD, one would notice that a laptop is featured prominently indicating that the couple were watching themselves err…coupling.

I am sure all the men in Malaysia applaud Dr Chua’s balls to take responsibility and admit his mistake. He’s quoted as saying 'my biggest mistake was to go to the same hotel and the same room', indicating that it was not a one off fling but a regular occurance.

I am sure Pak Lah will sympathise with him ….After all, the PM said God created man to love many women. Put up your hands all those who remember what Pak Lak said when he was asked about his second marriage less than a year after Datin Endon’s death?

The next step is for Dr. Chua to recommend extra-marital sex with young women for good mental and physical health. I am sure his compatriots in the Immigration Department will not mind importing ship loads of China dolls to ensure that there are enough 20 year old girls to cater to all the married men in Malaysia.

It would help boost condom, Vaseline, tissue and Viagra sales, bringing much needed currency movement in our financial economy.

Since I'm not married I’d like to order two, please.