Who you are today, your core personality is determined by your personal life experiences, making each of us a unique individual. We carry the messages we received as children whether direct or subliminal, into our adult lives.

I grew up in a house ruled by fear. My father was a headmaster and a strict disciplinarian. I was good friends with the rotan and his belt. I could also be kicked out of the house anytime, day or night, with just the clothes that I was wearing leaving my mother distraught and worried. He would lock her in so that she could not go look for me.

My parents quarreled frequently, almost on a daily basis and my two sisters and I were terrified of my father. In my entire life he never once said he loved me or gave me a hug. Our lives were structured and regimented, divided between household chores and studies.

My father would occasionally come back home drunk or in a foul mood if he lost at the races and then my mother would be on the receiving end of what is now politically correctly known as domestic violence. We were next in line if he wasn’t satisfied.

Watching the news on tv daily we were fed with comments like all Malays are lazy good for nothings who depend on government handouts, all Chinese are devious and cunning, all Indians are drunkards and wife beaters and all other Punjabis are nig gossips.

Things came to a head when I was seventeen and waiting for my MCE (SPM) results, I came home to find my mother crying, sitting in a corner of the living room, bleeding profusely from the head and her right arm broken

Long story short, I attacked him and broke a chair over his head, completely destroying the living room in the process. I then packed a bag and left the family home forever. I was his only son but I never spoke to him again.

A year later my sister Harmohan decided to follow her boyfriend and also left the house, converting to a muslim in the proces. My Mother divorced my father and moved back to my grandmother’s house in Batu Gajah.

For the last month, I have been staying with my sister and her family. Yes, she married her boyfriend twenty years ago and they have two lovely children, a girl aged fifteen and a boy of twelve. What strikes me as I observe them daily is how well adjusted and completely “normal” they are.

The kids are kissed and hugged everyday by both parents. They are extremely well behaved and will ask for permission before taking or doing anything. The parents treat them as adults and get things done by merely speaking to them.

In return the kids are very responsible for their age and protective of each other and can look after themselves well. They are also able to think and reason for themselves as proven recently when I took them to Genting. I had a show and so I copped out and left them to their own devices after giving them RM100 each.

Yes I know I’m a lousy Uncle. Apart from a couple of sms-es to tell me that they were allright, they left me alone and amused themselves.

The point here is that my sister and me grew up in the same house with the same influences. Yet she and her husband Zarul have done a superb job with bringing up their children and maintaining a successful marriage. I can see that she is happy with her life so far and that makes me truly thankful.

So how about me? Am I fu*cked in the head due to my miserable childhood? I think the answer lies in the email below. I sent two photos of myself, before and after steroids to a female friend and this is what she replied. To me her answer reflects that she is a wonderful person:

“Hey Dave,

You shouldn't have to worry about the way you look...
If anyone should want you...it should be for your heart and personality...not
solely based on looks. If that person judges by looks....trust me...it won’t
last long and totally not worth your heart and effort!

We all should know that by now.....one of life's most important lessons!

Smile and spread the cheer around”.