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"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - Anonymous
Sunday, October 08, 2006
What's Behind That Gift?
Do you analyze gifts that you receive? There may be ulterior motives behind the gift. Receiving an extraordinary gift means you'll have to ponder over what the other person is expecting in return. Accepting it may signal the wrong message and attract unwanted attention. However, if you get a crappy gift there's no need to analyze; he or she doesn't care much about you.
Take the time to fully analyze the meaning of your gift. The types of gifts men and women give each other are good indicators of what they think of them and the relationship. But before panicking over the Old Spice cologne you received, consider the length and seriousness of the relationship first.
Dr Peter Sozou, of UCL's Centre for Sciences and Experimental Biology, says:
"Gift-giving by males is a feature of human courtship and mating systems in a number of species. Females invest more resources than males in offspring and so must take care to pick the best partner possible, something that's not always easy to gauge from general cues such as appearance.
"In humans, a girl wants a guy who is attractive to her and will help raise their children. The worst pay-off, reproductively, is if she hooks up with an unattractive male who, literary, leaves her holding the baby.
"Guys are less likely to offer expensive gifts to females they don't have a long-term interest in. And girls won't be impressed by cheap gifts. By offering expensive but worthless gifts, such as dinners and theatre trips, the male pays no cost if the invitation isn't accepted. Girls that don't find a guy attractive are less likely to take up the invitation because it would mean spending time with a person they aren't interested in.
"In other species the deciding factors for a female is whether she's in a sexually receptive state and the male is in a good condition. Males offer gifts which may signal their condition. Those in a poor condition can't offer the same quality of gift."
The researchers constructed two versions of the game with different biological assumptions based on whether the male is involved with parental care.
Attractiveness is relevant to human courtship. Male condition and female receptiveness are the deciding factors in non-parental care species. In both cases these were represented as binary variables.
Factors in the game such as whether the male and female found each other attractive were given a probability and the possible outcomes of the interaction, either positive or negative for each player, were given scores to represent the consequences of their decisions.
Professor Robert Seymour, of UCL's Department of Mathematics, says:
"We assumed that a male's expected pay-off from mating with a female is positive. But it's greater if he finds her attractive, and then it's worth him staying around after mating - so we'd give it a high score.
"Conversely, if he finds her unattractive, his post mating pay-off is maximised by deserting, giving him a lower score.
"These scenarios are represented mathematically and analysed to find each player's best strategy."
They considered the 'fitness' consequences based on a single courtship encounter involving a male and female. Despite the different biological assumptions, the two models had the same underlying mathematical structure, with both yielding equilibrium solutions in which males predominantly offer costly but worthless gifts as a prelude to mating.
"Our analysis shows that there is evolutionary logic in men 'burning money' to impress the girl," added Professor Seymour.
If you have only been together for a few months, don't expect her to break the bank getting you a Rolex watch. A great gift should clearly reveal her intentions without being too personal. The gift should also demonstrate that there was some thought involved in making the purchase.
If you've been together for a year or more, don't expect to be surprised all the time. It's not easy coming up with imaginative gifts every year -- but they should still show careful consideration on the part of the giver.
In relationships, it's the little things that mean the most. Women generally concern themselves with little details more than men would care to think. So if your lady isn't going out of her way to get you the perfect gift, start looking for a substitute (kidding... I'm only kidding).
Tickets to see your favorite sports team: She pays attention to your needs.
A gift that encourages your favorite hobby: She encourages you to pursue what you enjoy most, and may even participate.
Race-car driving lessons: She wants to spice up your life with a little excitement.
A book off the bestseller list: She thinks you're an intellect.
Silver Cufflinks: A classy item that she knows you'd never buy on your own.
Sweater: Symbol of style and warmth; she cares about your appearance.
Opera/Ballet tickets: It's a present for herself (great idea for her gift next year!)
A picture frame featuring her face: "I love myself."
Ties: Very cliché.
Electric Razor: Boring and impersonal.
Tools: She has a fix-it project for you. Tools are great gifts for the handy man who always appreciates a set of new toys, otherwise, they'll just gather dust.
Pairs of white socks: She has no fashion sense and you are the last person on her shopping list.
Just because you didn't get the gift you wanted, it doesn't mean that your relationship is on the rocks, nor does it mean that your lady no longer loves you. Instead, you have to figure out how to coax your woman into buying you something from your 'hit list' for next year.
To avoid another disappointment, make more window-shopping dates and point out the things that you're dying for. This doesn't mean squashing her nose against the glass window, just be subtle and drop hints about the objects you like.
Don't be intimidated; tell her what your heart desires, she'll probably be grateful. If you're too timid to do it yourself, get a friend to drop hints on your behalf. Then, on the big day, you can act surprised, and she can pretend she thought of it herself.
Remember, you have to earn the gift first.
