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"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - Anonymous
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Real Men Don't Weep
Has anybody noticed how many men have started crying? Everybody seems to be getting in on the act. What would once of been the object of scorn, derision and a serious beating now reveals sensitivity and humanity, a man who is so in touch with his feelings that he feels pain.
Furthermore everyone appreciates such a guy so much they don’t even notice the snail tracks on his chin. But what is annoying is that these men are not crying for the right reasons. Are they bawling because another terrorist suicide bomber has exploded a school bus, killing all 50 kids on board? Are they weeping because another man insists on killing his fellow man? No way, they’re crying because they’ve been caught doing something naughty or, even more irritating, because they’ve won something.
Remember Paul Gascoigne in the 1990 World Cup? Gazza didn’t cry because England were heading for an early bath (they weren’t at the time) he cried because if England did make the final, his arse would be parked on a bench. How about Tom Hanks who washes the stage at the Oscars ceremony on a regular basis? Did he cry because winning another Oscar meant he had saved 300 lives in Burkina Faso? Of course not, he cried because he had won another useless object and his mantelpiece was getting so cramped he would have to move to a bigger house.
Nowadays crying in public doesn’t mean you’re a wet blanket, it means you’re a wonderful 21st century man with an inner self of tremendous complexity. Andre Agassi waters the centre court, Bob Hawke gets in on the act, Paul Merson does it when he explains an addiction Janis Joplin would have been proud of. How long will it be before men start crying not because they’ve won a chunk of metal but because some other mofo has?
Does this mean a guy should never cry? Of course not. I cried when my grandfather and later my grandmother passed away. John Cleese was in tears at the memorial service for Peter Cook. Cleese had lost a close friend (as opposed to gaining a frigging Oscar). Fine. It is proper to mourn our most painful losses but all these drippy dorks are cheapening our tears, innit?
The irony is that women have become much stronger over the years. It suits them. They compete with us and defeat us at work, they have a power breakfast in the morning, give birth during lunch and buy us dinner in the evening. They work out at least three times a week, raise a family, buy their own razors and look good multi-tasking.
But whilst women have moved up, taken life on and succeeded, we have begun to act more like our antiquated view of women and believe me, it does not look good.
Stop dudes. Don’t cry when you win (or lose) something. Don’t cry when she dumps you. Save those tears for some real pain. Pull yourselves together otherwise you’ll be shaving your armpits next.
