Spankin' DA Monkey - Dave Avran's blog: Threats, Blackmail & Intimidation

"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - Anonymous

Friday, March 03, 2006

Threats, Blackmail & Intimidation

All right boyos, time for another short lesson on life. Today we're going to learn to not give in to anyone's threats, extortion or blackmail. Notice I didn't write never , but in most situations you should never back down from anyone. That's right boys and girls, you're all going to grow some huevos between your legs and not back down when someone tries to intimidate you.

setting a precedent

Let's talk about the real and only reason you should not give in to a threat, extortion or blackmail. The minute you do, you set a very nasty pattern for more threats, extortion and blackmail. Your rep on the street or even in the corporate boardroom gets cemented. You want to deal with Charlie on the 7th floor? Threaten the little wuss and he'll cave in like a little girl. It's not complicated and I'm not going to preach it. You do not give in to threats because the minute you do, you have just given everyone the manual on how to deal with your sorry little ass.

More importantly, you can never show you're scared. Predators smell fear a mile away, and when the guy threatening you senses fear, you're as good as done because no matter what you might say or how brave you pretend to be, he'll know you're bluffing. The only way to make a point is by taking a stand and not giving in to intimidation.

I hate going into politics, but there's a good recent example that will illustrate my point. Spain is usually a country full of very courageous men; after all, they have a festival where they purposely have bulls with sharp horns chasing them down streets just to prove that they're men.

those Spaniards gave in too quickly

Spain was recently in the Middle East doing their UN crap when the terrorist folks said, "Let's play a little game. We'll kidnap somebody from Spain, and Spain will only get that somebody back when they leave the area and go back to patrolling the naked chicks on their beaches."

What did Spain do? They said, "Yes, yes, oh guys with guns and scary scarves, we'll leave, please don't hurt us." End result? Spain leaves the region and the terrorists took their little game to a bunch of other countries to see if they would crumble as easily as our Spagnolo friends. Why? Because Spain set a precedent. They wrote the rulebook and now everyone is a victim of this stupid game. All they had to do was say no and then deal with the consequences, as unpleasant as they might be. The good of the many outweighs the good of the few.

they always want more

Enough about politics. Even in the good old U.S. of A, in Happyville, Florida, giving in to someone's threats sets the same kind of precedent. If some neighborhood punk threatens you every time you walk by his side of the turf, running away won't make him stop. Standing up to him will.

If you have a business associate who wants an undeserved bigger piece of the action and you give him a bigger slice, guess what? He'll just come back for more every time he feels like it (or every time his dealer ups the price on his weed).

If you have a boss who asks you to eat dog food or get fired, and you get on your knees like the obedient mutt you are and do it, guess what? The next time it won't be dog food, it'll be toxic waste from Kepong Industrial Asbestos, and he knows you'll eat that too.

A guy offers to put you six feet under unless you give up your wife for a one-night stand (or any other sick threat), you tell him the only digging that'll be done is the hole you'll be making for his tombstone. Otherwise, you'll be giving up your wife every single time he has so much as an itch.

If a guy has some crap on you that he's threatening to sue you with unless you pay up to keep him quiet, send him the phone book with a list of lawyers and tell him to take his pick.

If someone has some compromising pictures of you and threatens to send them to your wife unless you leave an envelope with lots of dosh in KLCC park next to some tree, guess what? The blackmail will only end when you either go broke or get a divorce. Or both.

Let's say you're a Manager at MacDonny's, and some clown says to you, "Pay me more, or I quit." What do you do? You go to his locker and dump his garbage in the street, or risk having every pimple-faced teen in the place asking for a raise.

the only exception

There is one situation where my rules don't apply. Actually two. If Ah Loong comes around selling you “insurance” from me, just pay up. The other situation is when someone in your family has been kidnapped. If a guy threatens your family, it's your duty as a man to do everything you can to protect them from harm. But when a coward kidnaps your kid from under your nose, there is nothing you can do but give in to whatever it is they want.

Yes, you are setting a precedent, but now you're dealing with the most precious thing in your life: your flesh and blood. This is not a time to pull a "Keyser Soze" (The Usual Suspects) and shoot up your family because you don't appreciate being told what to do. Leave that to the movies, you idiot...

It's one thing to have your wife and kids at home and receive some ominous phone call with vague threats; it's another when your wife and kids are on the other end of the phone line begging for their lives.

It's a situation few of you will ever face, that's true, but if you do, play ball. Get some pros on your side, and I don't mean the boys in blue. Get someone from the underworld to be in your corner as the dealmaker. God knows no family man could possibly be in the right frame of mind to deal with these scum properly.

how to deal with threats

The easiest way to deal with threats is by avoiding them altogether. There is plenty you can do to make that happen. First and foremost, don't set yourself up. Don't put yourself in compromising situations, always be in control of the things you do and keep your mouth shut. Whether it's bragging about the size of your bank account or the number of pussies you bang per week, the hole in your face will get you into more trouble than any dark alley.

If you are threatened, I have two rules:

1- Never, ever be scared.
2- Never give in.

Even a petty thief knows better than to make good on his threat if you stand up to him and don't give him your money. If someone has the goods on you and blackmails you, face it and live with the consequences of the blackmail, and pray you're not stupid enough to put yourself in the same situation ever again. That's it, that's all. Watch your back and keep your nose clean.

Of course you can always take revenge - but that’s another story for another day...