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"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - Anonymous
Friday, January 13, 2006
TRUTH, JUSTICE & THE CLUBBING WAY OF LIFE – BATTLE OF THE DJs
The following article is written as an exercise in catharsis and is meant as an “insider” joke. Fret not if you don’t get it – I assure you that the people it’s meant for will certainly “get it”. Just sit back and enjoy the article for what it is – a little bit of fluffy entertainment in an otherwise stressful shitty world. cheers - Dave
Hoots of derision, laughter and cries of “Gay Boy in da house!, Gay Boy in da house!” filled the air at the Extra Gory Mayhem (EGM) discotheque as DJ Gay Boy and his team of Shorty Woof Woof, Slide Bark Bark, Don Arseman and veteran DJ Yada Saja entered and made their way to the exclusive members lounge known as the General Chaos (GC).
The cries soon changed to clapping as the crowd started chanting “The President is here!” referring to the nick-name of the gangly, rugged, bearded and pony-tailed DJ Mentally Superior Dude (MSD) leading his team of DJs to the GC lounge for the great showdown on that fateful February 19th.
“We want the truth! We want justice! May the best DJ win!” was repeated over and over again by the people who jam packed the EGM, filling it to the brim and threatening to overflow outside the club premises. The Bartenders were having a hard time filling drink orders fast enough and the Waiters were having an equally hard time navigating through the wall of bodies.
As soon as Chief Judge DJ Ghoul Lam announced the DJ competition open, veteran DJs DoReMi Puddingcherry and DJ Shiver Logger Nathan announced their intention to take part as well. “Sorry dudes”, boomed Ghoul Lam’s voice over the mike - “one of you is three times over the age limit and the other is wearing white socks. Both disqualified!”
With that dramatic start, DJ Gay Boy made his way to the podium featuring the latest state of the art Pioneer double decks. With a flourish, he pulled a 12 inch vinyl from his battered brown Samsonite bag, flipped it twice in the air and landed it neatly on the deck, accurately pinned the diamond needle on the track and wafted the strains of the melodic house hit “Interference” over the speakers.
Not to be outdone, DJ MSD held the right earphone to his ear while he queued his maiden song. He unleashed the funky house "Stop Credit” and managed to get some people dancing on the floor. DJ Gay countered with his signature song “Warning Letter (reply by 5pm)” and also managed to get a few people boogeying. DJ Gas (team MSD) then upped the ante as he worked the knobs and buttons on the deck to increase the beat count with the remix “Seriel Defaulter” with its catchy bass line.
DJ Shorty Woof Woof (team Gay Boy) was quick to jump in the fray as he attempted to outdo DJ Gas by playing “Nobody Told Me”. However, by increasing the volume to deafening levels and trying to impress with some scratching, he just irritated everyone present with his noise.
Quick to take advantage of the shift in crowd’s mood, DJ Jam Al (team MSD) took over the controls and smoothly mixed in the Latin influenced infectious housy number “Joo Been Summoned” followed by the catchy dance track “Circular Re-Re-Resolution” bringing the crowd flocking to the dance floor.
DJ Yada’s (team Gay Boy)self-produced attempt “Yadda Yadda” crashed and burned miserably as the crowd didn’t understand the genre of music, and he was forced to apologise and turn the decks over to DJs Slide Bark Bark and Don Arseman (team Gay Boy), whose choice of the jarring and repetitive trance hit “Why Why Why” also didn’t augur well with the crowd.
By now it was clear that team MSD were the winners but that didn’t stop them from spinning their awesome tracks, continuing their musical bliss with the tribal sounds of “New Constipation” , “Rule 21 Rocks” and finally “Puppet President” to an appreciative, exhausted and dripping wet with sweat dance crowd.
In the end, it was DJ Ghoul Lam ‘s booming voice that put an end to the festivities as he announced over the mike “ If you jokers don’t go home right now and end the party, I’ll be forced to sue!”
Hoots of derision, laughter and cries of “Gay Boy in da house!, Gay Boy in da house!” filled the air at the Extra Gory Mayhem (EGM) discotheque as DJ Gay Boy and his team of Shorty Woof Woof, Slide Bark Bark, Don Arseman and veteran DJ Yada Saja entered and made their way to the exclusive members lounge known as the General Chaos (GC).
The cries soon changed to clapping as the crowd started chanting “The President is here!” referring to the nick-name of the gangly, rugged, bearded and pony-tailed DJ Mentally Superior Dude (MSD) leading his team of DJs to the GC lounge for the great showdown on that fateful February 19th.
“We want the truth! We want justice! May the best DJ win!” was repeated over and over again by the people who jam packed the EGM, filling it to the brim and threatening to overflow outside the club premises. The Bartenders were having a hard time filling drink orders fast enough and the Waiters were having an equally hard time navigating through the wall of bodies.
As soon as Chief Judge DJ Ghoul Lam announced the DJ competition open, veteran DJs DoReMi Puddingcherry and DJ Shiver Logger Nathan announced their intention to take part as well. “Sorry dudes”, boomed Ghoul Lam’s voice over the mike - “one of you is three times over the age limit and the other is wearing white socks. Both disqualified!”
With that dramatic start, DJ Gay Boy made his way to the podium featuring the latest state of the art Pioneer double decks. With a flourish, he pulled a 12 inch vinyl from his battered brown Samsonite bag, flipped it twice in the air and landed it neatly on the deck, accurately pinned the diamond needle on the track and wafted the strains of the melodic house hit “Interference” over the speakers.
Not to be outdone, DJ MSD held the right earphone to his ear while he queued his maiden song. He unleashed the funky house "Stop Credit” and managed to get some people dancing on the floor. DJ Gay countered with his signature song “Warning Letter (reply by 5pm)” and also managed to get a few people boogeying. DJ Gas (team MSD) then upped the ante as he worked the knobs and buttons on the deck to increase the beat count with the remix “Seriel Defaulter” with its catchy bass line.
DJ Shorty Woof Woof (team Gay Boy) was quick to jump in the fray as he attempted to outdo DJ Gas by playing “Nobody Told Me”. However, by increasing the volume to deafening levels and trying to impress with some scratching, he just irritated everyone present with his noise.
Quick to take advantage of the shift in crowd’s mood, DJ Jam Al (team MSD) took over the controls and smoothly mixed in the Latin influenced infectious housy number “Joo Been Summoned” followed by the catchy dance track “Circular Re-Re-Resolution” bringing the crowd flocking to the dance floor.
DJ Yada’s (team Gay Boy)self-produced attempt “Yadda Yadda” crashed and burned miserably as the crowd didn’t understand the genre of music, and he was forced to apologise and turn the decks over to DJs Slide Bark Bark and Don Arseman (team Gay Boy), whose choice of the jarring and repetitive trance hit “Why Why Why” also didn’t augur well with the crowd.
By now it was clear that team MSD were the winners but that didn’t stop them from spinning their awesome tracks, continuing their musical bliss with the tribal sounds of “New Constipation” , “Rule 21 Rocks” and finally “Puppet President” to an appreciative, exhausted and dripping wet with sweat dance crowd.
In the end, it was DJ Ghoul Lam ‘s booming voice that put an end to the festivities as he announced over the mike “ If you jokers don’t go home right now and end the party, I’ll be forced to sue!”
Comments:
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Eh, no more this insider shit, ok?
Your blog is enjoyed by many of us and I personally forward it to all my friends so cut cut the crap willya?
- Regina you know who
Your blog is enjoyed by many of us and I personally forward it to all my friends so cut cut the crap willya?
- Regina you know who
#
posted by 
: 4:46 AM
: 4:46 AM
Enjoyed the post nonetheless but haven't got a farking clue what you're on about, mate.
- Cliff
- Cliff
#
posted by : 4:49 AM
: 4:49 AM Where's dem girls man? Where's dem girls? What's with all this bullshit?
- Horny Harry
- Horny Harry
#
posted by : 4:50 AM
: 4:50 AM Good stuff and seriously funny!!! And so bloody true!!! Didn't know you wrote so well, GM.
- DJ RLC2
- DJ RLC2
#
posted by : 4:54 AM
: 4:54 AM Waaahahahahaha. I laugh so hard my chair fell off me.Or is it I fell off the chair? Whatever.
- Nik
Post a Comment - Nik
#
posted by : 4:56 AM
: 4:56 AM<< Home
