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"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - Anonymous
Monday, September 19, 2005
Dating Tips - Kissing Women and Using Humour
Hey Dave!
I am an avid reader of your blog ...the stuff on dating literally blew me away. I also have your imaginary book "sex-ploytation" which I read when I have imaginary spare time.
Anyhow, I have a question about something I read in your blog previously that really stood out to me. It was the one about the guy who said "Can I kiss you" to a woman that was getting out of the car as he dropped her off. I thought saying "Can I kiss you?" was wussified behavior?
That didn't sound like something you can say without looking like a needy dork but the guy said it worked for him and he got the kiss anyhow. Did I miss something here? Explain that Dave. Also, have you learned of any other "Kiss Tests" like the one on your site?
- Peter F
Dave replies:
It took me probably two years of trying things before I finally realized that there was something else going on with women that no one was talking about. Finally, I realized that this something was an emotion.
Women don't meet men and say to themselves "Well, he's my physical type, he has a good job, he dresses himself pretty well, and he looks like he's good in bed... I think I'll turn on my attraction for him..."
No way, Jose.
There's something that happens to a woman, usually in an instant, that sparks the "Chemistry" or "Sexual Tension" or "Attraction". And then, if the man knows how to build that tension and amplify the emotion called attraction that the woman is feeling, there's a very good chance that they will get together.
If, on the other hand, a man does not understand this simple fact, and more importantly, how attraction works, then no magic technique in the world will work consistently for him.
I've learned that attraction is everything. In a nutshell, I think that because men are sexually attracted primarily to looks, they simply assume that women must be the same way too. Us guys just never take the time and energy to figure out what women are actually attracted to... so we act like failures with women... and they treat us like failures too.
And many of the guys I do know who are good with women don't realize why what they do works so well. They just do what they do, and women are attracted
to them. Most of them haven't taken the time to figure out that what they're doing is triggering the powerful emotion called attraction inside of women.
To finish my thoughts on this, you're right. No one talks about attraction... and that's a problem, because if you don't "get" attraction, then it's going to be hard to "get" women to be interested in you.
You asked a question at the end of your email - you wanted to know if the guy who asked "Can I kiss you?" was being a Wuss.
OK, I'm about to share my take on that with you. When I tell you my opinion, you're probably going to say "That doesn't sound right.
When you asked your question in the way that you asked it, you indicated to me that you missed what was going on. You missed the point of the question.
One of the things guys do is tease women. Teasing can mean one of a couple of things. Teasing can mean starting, then stopping, starting, then stopping... over and over again. In this context it's usually considered a good, pleasurable thing.
For instance, if you kiss a woman gently, then pull away... then do it again... then again... and you can tell that she wants more, but you're not giving it to her, you're teasing her.
Also, teasing can mean "poking fun". An example would be saying "Wow, those are some high heels. If you wore false eyelashes, you’d bounce right back up if you fell forwards!”. Think of how you used to tease girls on the school playground when you were a kid.
That's a different kind of teasing.
Now, both kinds of teasing are great to use with women who you have a romantic interest in...
Let's go back to the "Can I kiss you?" example for a minute. As you might remember, it went something like this:
He waited for a moment when it was clear to him that it would be ok to kiss her. She wanted it. Then he said...
Him: "Can I kiss you?"
Her: "Yes"
Him: "OK, I'll make sure to do that"
At this point, she said "Right"... and leaned in to kiss him!
What happened here?
What happened was a little bit of genius. That's what happened.
He was teasing her. He was doing something that, at first glance was kind of Wuss/Nice Guy. But remember, he had so much momentum built up, that this little "slip" was perceived by her as OK. In fact, he had so much momentum and attraction built up that she wanted it.
He says "Can I kiss you?", she says "Yes", then he teases her by saying "OK, I'll make sure to do that". In that moment, she realizes that his wuss behavior was actually a joke, and that he was actually messing with her and teasing her.
And at that point she leaned over and kissed him.
Let me share one that I made up that I have used with women on many occasions...Let's say I'm out and I meet a girl walking down the street, and get her email and phone number.
We send a couple of emails back and forth, then we get on the phone. Because I'm always teasing and busting balls, I know that she's enjoying it and interested in me... so in that first phone conversation I'll say:
Me: "You know, I was thinking about you today"
Her: "Really?"
Me:
Are you with me?
Remember, I've been charming, cocky, funny, and unpredictable from the start... and I know that she's enjoying it. The tension is building, even as we have our first phone conversation.
So I then say something that just plain doesn't fit, she says "Really?" in a half flattered/half surprised way, wondering what's going on.
I then pause to build up the suspense.
As the pause is happening, and she's starting to think to herself "Uh oh, he really likes me", I drop the "No, you dork! Get over yourself!" line.
It's funny, confusing, and a huge tease.
It usually gets a huge laugh... and it communicates that I not only "get" what's going on, but I'm so confident that I'll tease her about it.
Now, this is what you might call an "advanced" move.
If you don't know how to tell if a woman is attracted to you, how to spark attraction, how to amplify the attraction, and how to move from one step to the next, you're just going to sound like a dumb ass when you say something like this... because you'll say it at the wrong time, or you'll say it to a woman who isn't
very interested in you... which will make things worse instead of better.
I hope you hear what I'm saying.
One of the greatest things you can learn is how to use subtle humor with women to imply what you're thinking without actually saying it directly.
Men take things literally and women are always interpreting... they're always trying to figure out what everything you're saying and doing "really means".
Communicating with women on a "sexual" level is a skill that you must learn and develop... and thankfully any man can learn how.
Once you learn this new "language", you'll start to experience women in a whole new way. You'll be sending and receiving signals in a language that you never even knew about. It's fun!
And the best part is that women will really appreciate and enjoy the fact that you know how to actually communicate with them.
Comments:
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ok... maybe it is just me... but I am NOT hearing you... maybe I need a few shots... will try again later...
Alcho Anon
Alcho Anon
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posted by 
: 6:14 PM
: 6:14 PM Ayoyo. This is a classic example of "if you don't know the answer, try to convince ppl that you do by causing massive confusion." Heh.
Oi! when you became such a bloody expert on everything but the kichen sink?
- bored matsalleh
- bored matsalleh
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posted by : 5:55 PM
: 5:55 PM actually i'm an expert on kitchen sinks too - get the stainless steel double bowl model with the swivel taps.
- dave
- dave
I notice you only need to use these tactics with young girls. I hate mind/love games so i tend to go for women who are more straight-forward, confident and who knows what they want and are not too shy/afraid to grab it in the palm of their hands. What can I say...I'm a lazy prick. =)
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posted by : 2:43 PM
: 2:43 PM<< Home
