Spankin' DA Monkey - Dave Avran's blog: Never Judge A Chinawoman By Her White Guy

"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - Anonymous

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Never Judge A Chinawoman By Her White Guy

Never Judge A Chinawoman By Her White Guy
(Or how I fuc*ed-up big time)

There I was in my favourite watering hole, scotch and soda in hand, listening to Bala blasting away on his guitar while being surrounded by a large group of friends when I saw her. She had a very sweet smile and she actually flashed it at me. Yes - fat, bald and old me that no female ever looks at.

Didn’t take long before I was observing her every move and I’m sure she caught me looking at her a coupla times. Turned out she was a friend of a friend and I managed to get her business card. We’ll call her Ms Lim. We spoke a ‘lil bit but that was it - I was content to stare and fantasize and do nothing.

Then a phenomenon that takes place in a million bars every night started to take place right before my very eyes, infuriating me no end. White boy with a ponytail approaches her and starts to talk. She responds.

As the night progresses, they get closer, dancing at one stage. I noticed however that when he put his arms around her she diplomatically held his fingers in hers, thereby keeping his hands in check right smartly.

Having been in the clubbing business for a long time I’ve seen local girls being picked-up by Whitey a gazillion times. I’ve also overheard Whitey talking to his friends about how easy local girls are as long as you’re white.

So what do I do? Like a fool, I march right up to her and ask her “So is white boy successful? Has he picked you up? I’m gonna blog about you tomorrow!” On hindsight, I’m lucky she didn’t give me a slap.

Instead she coolly says “No, I’m going home with my friends. We just talked and danced. At least he approached me – I was smiling at you and you didn’t respond.”

I was gobsmacked. The concept of a gorgeous Chinawoman actually smiling at me was already difficult to wrap my brain around, but the fact that I could have responded and taken it a step further was beyond my feeble brain.

She was absolutely right – I blew it. I had first dibs and I fuc*ed up big time. What an idiot! I mumbled an apology like the pathetic loser that I felt like. I saw her point, and the fact that it was a very valid point of view indeed made me want to blog about it.

Called her the next day and she was kind enough not to hang up on me. Seems this happens most times she goes out with her friends – local guys simply don’t have the balls to approach them.

So all you chicken-shit local guys, get your huevos out of yo Mamma’s back pocket and give bloody Whitey a run for our girls, geddit? Yes that includes me as well. Sigh…

To make amends, I invited her to lunch at the club. I even told her it’s alright to bring her Mummy along. Who knows? To quote that famous Bogart line from Casablanca - It could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Posted by: Dave Avran / 4:16 PM

Comments:

you messesd up, dude. didja at least take her photo wif yer trusty phonecam?

- the stoned musician

# posted by

Anonymous : 6:44 PM

i think i wuz there. yes you r a fugging idiot chickenshit and yes she wuz gorgeous. wasted!

bala the tongue

# posted by

Anonymous : 6:46 PM

Hey, we cant help it if we're irresistable now can we? Besides, we have large dicks.

- bored whitey

# posted by

Anonymous : 6:48 PM

and what was whitey doing while you were asking her if he had picked her up?

- Rodney

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:08 PM

He was talking to some1 else. I was fully prepared to deck him if he had intefered :)

- dave

# posted by

Dave Avran : 9:10 PM

Haiyo. U bitch about women all d time & when one finally finds you attractive (eew!) you blow it. smart move, davey boy.
- catherine

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:49 AM

Agree with cat. Gimme a call & I'll
give you a few pointers you dungu, 'cos we're old friends :)

- Mavis

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:51 AM

Man, you need a lobotomy. How can you not read a smile right? What category of stupid do you belong to?

- another whitey

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:52 AM

I take offence to the term Whitey. Just because we're successful with the local birds doesn't give you thje right to call us names.

Robert McNamara, Scotland

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:54 AM

Piss orf, bobby. i'll call whoever i want any name i want.

- Dave

# posted by

Dave Avran : 10:56 AM

Let's just pray the mommy doesn't fall for you instead. *ahaks*

# posted by

anjali* : 8:14 PM

WOO HOO!

let us know when you score!

X-fool

# posted by

Anonymous : 2:19 PM

like duuuh! you been outta the scene 4 2 long, dude!

geena

# posted by

Anonymous : 5:51 PM

Why do you keep hangin out at SPG joints??? Aren't you asking for it then??? So stop complaining about gwailos & Chinese girls! :P

April

# posted by

Anonymous : 6:20 PM

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Saturday, August 20, 2005

Never Judge A Chinawoman By Her White Guy