Spankin' DA Monkey - Dave Avran's blog: The A

"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - Anonymous

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The A - Z of Breaking Up

ACCOUNTING: Unable to count on each other, one threatens to
jump off a ledger due to sensing a lack of appreciation.

ANATOMY: "I never liked your body anyway."

ARCHAEOLOGY: One tries to bury the past, while the other tries to dig it up.

ARCHITECTURE: "There just wasn't much to build on anyway..."

BIOLOGY: "You just wanted to get in my genes!"

BUSINESS: Both take stock of their relationship, and then
calculate that they're spending way too much
time and money together given the future value of
their staying together.

CHEMISTRY: Unable to bond, they resort to drinking
isopropynol

COMPUTING: He wanted plug-n-play, but she saw an avalanche of free
downloads and hardware propogation.

COUNSELING: Each urges the other to "get help!"

ECONOMICS: One party demands more than the other can supply.

EDUCATION: Both concede that the relationship was a learning experience.

ENGINEER: "It's just so shocking... I'm sure there are positives and negatives, but..."

ENGLISH: Each writes the other a perfect breakup letter, complete with introduction,

thesis, body, and conclusion, that doesn't really say anything

substantively intelligible.

GEOGRAPHY: Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other.

GEOLOGY: Although both felt the earth move under their feet initially, both later

express the sentiments that the relationship was rocky at the foundation,

and slated for a volcanic eruption.

GERMAN: It was the best of relationships, it was the wurst of relationships.

HISTORY: Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party

did in the past.

ITALIAN: "Mama Mia!"

JOURNALISM: "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their

relationship of 2 weeks..."

LAW: They sue each other for breach of a pre-dating agreement.

MUSIC: Each utilizes an operatic lament to express his or her sorrow.

PHILOSOPHY: If 2 people break up in a room and there's no one to witness the breakup,

are they really single?

PHYS. ED.: Despite her bad track record, he put the ball in her court, but she dropped

the ball, didn't go the extra mile, and he ended up sitting on the side lines of

love.

PHYSICS: Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down.

PSYCHOLOGY: Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother.

RELIGION: Each prays for reconciliation and/or curses God

SOCIOLOGY: Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.

THEATRE: "OH MY GOD! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"

WOMEN'S STUDIES: "He did it!"

ZOOLOGY: They were able to mate like rabbits, but lacked sophisticated

communication skills.