Spankin' DA Monkey - Dave Avran's blog: Why Do Beautiful Women Date Ugly Men?

"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - Anonymous

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Why Do Beautiful Women Date Ugly Men?

It's a typical boys’ night out and on our way to the Loft in Heritage Row, we walk by a couple holding hands. The woman had what I like to call a "triple-take" face: I looked at her three times before I noticed her boyfriend was about to hit me over the head. Luckily for me, I was surrounded by six friends and so the worst thing that happened was a "watch it you sonuva bitch" killer stare.

This woman was hothothot! Not only did she have a tight dress to show off her curves, she also had the face of an angel. Then it dawned on me; the chunky Ron Jeremy [the famous porn star] look-a-like boyfriend didn't really have the looks to merit such a beautiful girlfriend. What was so bloody special about him?

I did not spend too much time thinking about it until we walked by another unusually mismatched couple. As my buddies and I entered the club, a two hundred-pound (I'm not talking muscle here), short and bald man (visualise Jason Alexander from Seinfeld) walked by me with this gorgeous woman that made Denise Keller look like a plain Jane.

Okay, now things were fishy, and I hadn’t even had a drop of alcohol yet. I saw too many inequitable couples within a span of twenty minutes. As far as I know, there is no shortage of good-looking men (G-men) nor is there a high supply of gorgeous women to go around for everyone. How can beautiful women date such ugly men (U-men)? Or better yet, how can U-men land such oompaloompa women?

false assumptions

What can she possibly see in him? It must be the cash, and judging by her looks, he must have a lot of it. This is probably the very first thought that goes through most G-men's minds.

This assumption cannot be further from the truth. True, having financial stability does help a man find a beautiful woman, but this is not the most important aspect. It's the combination of several traits that will help a man find the woman of his dreams.

As long as men keep reasoning that beautiful women date ugly or regular-looking men for their money, they will always miss out on opportunities to meet gorgeous women. Like my father used to say, "Son, assumptions are the mother of all screw ups. Never assume anything with women - unless it's an acrobatic sex position."

If U-men don't need cash to bait beautiful women, then what's their secret weapon? What are the traits that will help a regular looking Joe like myself (stretch your goddam imagination a bit willya?) land a girlfriend like Bernie Chan?

So for the last one week I’ve scoured the streets of Kuala Lumpur buying U-men plenty of Carlsberg and learning their secrets for you. Trust me, it wasn’t easy. Especially when they mistook me for a faggot and wanted to kick me in the arse.

the ugly secret

Over the years, U-men have developed two kinds of strategies to date beautiful women. The first strategy is called Scouting For Beauty, and involves looking for undiscovered, up-and-coming beautiful women.

The second strategy is called Impressing the Beauty, and involves impressing a beautiful woman who has no boyfriend and is sick of all the head games played by G-men. All she wants is an honest, trustworthy, fun man who can bring stability into her life.

scouting for beauty
U-men have learned to adapt their dating skills. Just like a blind man learns to develop his other senses, a U-man relies less on his looks and learns to heighten his other traits.

The mistake most men make is to assume (yes dad, the mother of all screw ups) that every beautiful woman is born beautiful. In general, men have their radars fine-tuned for beautiful women dressed in sexy clothing as they ignore every other woman around them.

G-men assume that to date a beautiful woman, you have to look for a beautiful woman. This is where the U-man outwits the G-man.

While G-men are checking out the "all-star" women, who are already dating and usually spoiled rotten with attention, the U-men are doing a Jerry McGuire and scouting for "rookies" or potential superstars. The U-man learns to spot potential beauty within a regular looking woman before G-men do.

These rookies are usually good-looking women who don't know they have the potential to be hot. They mostly have low self-esteem, lack personal style and undeveloped sex appeal. The U-men recognize their potential and move in.

Because these rookies don't have G-men courting them, they have low self-esteem and have no reason to fix themselves up, until the U-man comes along. The U-man compliments the rookie and makes her feel good about herself.

Eventually, rookie girl develops a liking for the U-man. For this reason, she begins to dress and fix herself in a stylish manner. The U-man readily accompanies the rookie shopping and suggests sexy clothing to the ready-to-impress girlfriend.

By the time the U-man is finished with her, he has produced a sophisticated, well-dressed woman who oozes sex appeal from every pore, while all the G-men are left wondering, “oh fuckadoodle! How could I have missed her?” Man, does she look good when she’s fixed herself up.

Scouting is good, but it's not enough. The U-man knows that he has to work hard to keep his new found ‘star’. The U-man now has to sign her to a long-term contract before she is swooped away by a smooth G-man.

sign her to a long-term contract

The problem with a rookie is that once she realizes she's hot, and every man in the room is looking at her, it doesn’t take her long to wonder if maybe she can upgrade to a G-man. Duh!

Before the makeover, she thought she had no chance of dating any G-man. But now that she's "New & Improved," she'll be tempted to test the waters. Show me the money!

Of course, the U-man knows this will happen, and therefore prepares to lock her in and position himself as an addiction to his girlfriend. This means that he will offer her everything a woman desires in a man - minus the good looks. The U-man then becomes:

A Smooth Talker
He speaks with confidence and says the right words to make her feel good about herself. The U-man is capable of having an interesting and intelligent conversation.

Fun & Spontaneous
Most women love to have fun and live in the spur of the moment. They love to be in the company of men who can make them laugh and bring excitement to their lives.

Most G-men rely so heavily on their good looks alone to impress women that they forget to make the date exciting. U-men know this and use it to their advantage by planning fun dates in advance such as weekend getaways, dinners at exotic restaurants, horseback riding, rafting, canoeing, mountain climbing, scuba diving, boating, cycling, and even dance lessons. The idea is to not fall victim to the routine trap.

A Real Man
A woman wants a man who can romance her and make her feel special; not only for her body, but also for her mind and soul. She knows that good lovers are hard to find. So if the U-man can make sensual love to her body and mind at the same time, he'll have her signed for life.

A Mature Man
Keeping the relationship fun and exciting is very important. But a man has to realize that life is not all fun and games. A woman likes to know that she can count on her man to provide her with spiritual and financial stability.

impressing beauty
A U-man does not always look for an undiscovered woman; there are cases where U-men approach and date gorgeous women. How do they do it? They don't assume (yes dad, sigh…once again – the mother of all screw ups) anything about beautiful women.

We've all heard of the expression, "poor little rich girl," where a rich woman cannot find true love because the men either want her money or are too intimidated by her rich blood. Well, Paris Hilton has company - the same applies to beautiful women.

Believe it or not, beautiful women have a hard time meeting men. The reason being that most men are intimidated by their looks. They think that because she looks good, she must be high maintenance, hard to get, already dating, and snobby to boot.

The few men that do have the balls to approach her are all players who like to play head games just to get into her panties and claim her as a trophy.

U-men that date beautiful women know this. They know that in most cases, beautiful women are single, fed up of head games and craving for a real man to approach them and desire them for who they are and not solely for their bodies.

Therefore the U-man must always be one step ahead of the game; he has nothing to lose and everything to gain. And how - it’s a highly rewarding pursuit.

Posted by: Dave Avran / 1:53 AM

Comments:

Dave,

Either these women think this guys have serious amounts of dosh or otherwise they make meek little husbands, kinda like pets.
- HP

# posted by

Anonymous : 4:47 AM

Who says the men are ugly? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
- Tunku R

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:18 PM

I just buy whichever bitch it is I feel like banging that night. Can't be bothered with the chase.
- Bored Mat Salleh

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:19 PM

Dude,
where can i find girls like that?
Ai Caramba!
- Bart

# posted by

Dave Avran : 12:21 PM

Here's the secret - these girls hang out at hard rock and will throw themselves at you.

Here's the catch - you gotta be white.

- mat salleh bukan bodoh

# posted by

Anonymous : 4:06 PM

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Sunday, April 10, 2005

Why Do Beautiful Women Date Ugly Men?