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"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - Anonymous
Friday, March 25, 2005
How To Be A Bad Boy
There I was in La Bodega Deli, Bangsar, sipping on my overpriced draught beer and discussing a new website with partners-in-crime Stuart Godwin and Arvind Pasricha when I saw them out of the corner of my eye.
My peripheral vision picked up a gorgeous chinawoman draped around a typical bad boy. The more she sinuously snuggled up to him, the more he ignored her. Suddenly my beer tasted flat and jealousy flooded my mouth with its hideously familiar taste.
You know the type - the swaggering, cocky, macho jerk who treats women like they're replaceable, while they're waiting in line to climb into his bed. Men hate these guys, yet women love them.
Ask any single woman on the street what she's looking for in a man and she'll tell you that she wants a nice guy with a sense of humor who will treat her well. But then she'll turn around and fall all over herself trying to get a Bad Boy who will use and abuse her.
What's going on here, dude?
Granted, what women say and what they actually do are generally miles apart, but even the usual female self-deceit doesn't seem to cover this one. So let's look first at some of the traits of the typical Bad Boy and see what we can learn from him.
I promptly speed dialed my astrologer and arranged a séance with the late James Dean. In return for a copy of the 2005 Porsche calendar, this is what he shared with me:
The typical Bad Boy
is cocky, arrogant
always puts himself first
is inattentive to a woman's needs
does what he wants when he wants to do it, regardless of what anyone else thinks
acts like a loose cannon
struts his masculine sexuality
isn't even remotely a "nice" guy
treats women badly
often uses women for sex
All negative character traits, to say the least. Yet women flock to these creeps in droves. Why? No sane woman would openly choose to be abused, so there must be some other factors operational here. To find the answer, we must examine the positive side of the Bad Boy traits to see what women are really attracted to.
A Bad Boy exudes untamed masculinity, independence and confidence. To women, these traits, especially confidence are an aphrodisiac. The problem is, in the hands of the Bad Boy, confidence becomes selfish arrogance. But women are responding to guys like this on a purely elemental, emotional level.
Just as men are turned on by a woman's femininity, so too do women respond to overt male masculinity - and the Bad Boy has it in buckets. What's going on here is that she's having a gut reaction to his confidence and male strength, and is blind to anything else.
So the trick is to learn to take the Bad Boy's negative traits and spin them in a positive direction to make them work for you - in other words, to become a Bad Boy without really being "bad." This way, you can still maintain your gentleman status without turning into an abusive jerk.
Yes I realize the temptation to insert Micheal Jackson’s name here with all the references to “Bad”, “Boy” “insert”, “spin” and “jerk”. However, decorum shall prevail and I shall resist. Sorry, I seem to have gone on a tangent and I digress…
Here are a few things you can do to improve your Bad Boy status…
Dial up the independence
Act as if you couldn't possibly care less about getting women. Never change who you are to please a woman or in the hope that you'll get her into bed. Get involved in your own life and your own interests. Make plenty of time for male stuff. Your attitude should be: "This is who I am -- if you like it, fine; if you don't, fug orf."
Don't show emotions
Be indifferent and don't show you care. You should have a poker face at all times. Remain mysterious and don't let women know what you're thinking. Keep them guessing.
Furthermore, ration your words and make sure everything you say has a purpose. Don't volunteer information. Simply answer a question if asked.
Put the kibosh on crap
Refuse to tolerate any female BS. When she tries to test you, don't give in - tell her to grow up. Don't be afraid to say "no." Stand your ground, or simply walk away from a situation.
Get her off the pedestal. Run the relationship by your rules, not hers. If you don't agree with her, say so - don't be a doormat in the hope of getting laid. And if she doesn't like it, show her the door.
Light your fire
Bad Boys are all about sexual confidence, and women appreciate confident lovers. So don't be afraid to let your natural masculine sexuality shine. This doesn't mean you should go around leering at female chests all day, but you should be comfortable and confident about letting a woman know you're attracted to her without becoming a pawing jerk. And when you do step up to the plate, make sure you know what you're doing in the bedroom.
Make yourself scarce
For women, guys who are too available are boring. Bad Boys are selfishly independent - they aren't desperately hanging around women, hoping to get tossed a few scraps of attention.
Women always want what they can't have, so make yourself busy and scarce. Be a mystery man. Be unpredictable. Be a challenge -- let her do some work to get you.
Turn on the confidence
Bad Boys always assume that women want them - insecurity has no place in their personal vocabularies. This is the exact opposite of the usual male desperation. So your attitude should be that you're the catch, not that women are doing you a favor by talking to you.
You can't afford to be too nice - catering to women, agreeing with every word they utter, paying for female attention (all things Bad Boys don't do) - because women see this as "weak" and wimpy.
Be decisive and don't hesitate when talking. Don't second-guess yourself after you've made a decision. Voice your opinion and don't worry about offending others.
Bad boys, bad boys
Bad Boys may be jerks, but they have a lot to teach the average guy about attracting women. By observing a few of these typical Bad Boy traits in action, you can learn to use them to your advantage without giving up your nice status.
Even if you don't look like Brad Pitt, you can still attract lots of women simply by oozing male confidence. Or you could buy a Harley like that jerk in La Bodega.
Yes, I’m still jealous - dammit.
Comments:
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On the other hand, that jerk could just be a spoilt brat rich dude and I, for one, am sure that Chinese women are attracted to cash machines. But if the dude is also a sex machine, no wonder. No offence to Chinese women out there because I know there are those that could have different values.
To be frank, I am definitely not a cash machine so I don't go after Chinese women but instead, Caucasian women because they tend to be stronger characters, less of a naive bitch and less influenced by material needs.
Due to my non-interest in Chinese women, I don't suck up to them and end up maybe what some might call 'having an attitude'. Still, they come flocking like birds on heat(not the pretty ones yet, though) maybe because I could be somewhat of a challenge.
Inadvertently, I benefit having the best of both worlds not by making myself a Bad Boy, but by altering my attention towards non-Asians.
It's a funny world we live in.
To be frank, I am definitely not a cash machine so I don't go after Chinese women but instead, Caucasian women because they tend to be stronger characters, less of a naive bitch and less influenced by material needs.
Due to my non-interest in Chinese women, I don't suck up to them and end up maybe what some might call 'having an attitude'. Still, they come flocking like birds on heat(not the pretty ones yet, though) maybe because I could be somewhat of a challenge.
Inadvertently, I benefit having the best of both worlds not by making myself a Bad Boy, but by altering my attention towards non-Asians.
It's a funny world we live in.
#
posted by 
: 1:09 AM
: 1:09 AM I read your blog about the bad boy thingy. Though there are areas I desperately beg to differ, however in the nook of my bladder, I must admit, there are “stoopid” women out there who do enjoy being trampled over.
But having said that, I feel I must share that there are women out there who wonder why nice decent men (ok.. so they are extinct… or are they?) go for dumb blondes with over padded bras and clearly no backbone and personality whatsoever. A guy once told me, the reason they go for women like that is because it is good for the male ego. *gag, puke, vomit* Whatever that rocks your boat lah. Oh hang on… let me correct myself… men who go for women like that only want a good shag.
Sorry… nice men always get the wrong chick that treats them like shit.
Oh wait… deja vu!
Regina R
But having said that, I feel I must share that there are women out there who wonder why nice decent men (ok.. so they are extinct… or are they?) go for dumb blondes with over padded bras and clearly no backbone and personality whatsoever. A guy once told me, the reason they go for women like that is because it is good for the male ego. *gag, puke, vomit* Whatever that rocks your boat lah. Oh hang on… let me correct myself… men who go for women like that only want a good shag.
Sorry… nice men always get the wrong chick that treats them like shit.
Oh wait… deja vu!
Regina R
#
posted by : 5:42 PM
: 5:42 PM Dear Regina R..
I do agree with you on the stoopid choices both and women make in your examples.. unfortunately, they represent the majority of dense people in the world who, despite all other circumstances, are happy with their choices, but hey at the end of the day.. men are transparent, they want the action.. women are guide by emotion, they want attention.. and so we have a conflicting situation..
by..
formerly a nice guy
rebranded as a sexy bad boy mothafooka juggling multiple women at the same time.. including a Brazilian supermodel.. ;)
Post a Comment I do agree with you on the stoopid choices both and women make in your examples.. unfortunately, they represent the majority of dense people in the world who, despite all other circumstances, are happy with their choices, but hey at the end of the day.. men are transparent, they want the action.. women are guide by emotion, they want attention.. and so we have a conflicting situation..
by..
formerly a nice guy
rebranded as a sexy bad boy mothafooka juggling multiple women at the same time.. including a Brazilian supermodel.. ;)
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