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"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - Anonymous
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Why do we cheat on our partner?
I’ve had so much of free time lately that I’ve actually been (god please forgive me) watching Oprah on Tv. So much so that I’ve decided to do a Dr Phil and come out with my own research on why people cheat in a relationship.
So, if we opt to be monogamous, why do we ultimately cheat? If you’re currently howling self-righteously that you’ve never even thought about it, drop me an email and I’ll send you a free mirror so that you can take a long hard look at yourself, you big fat liar.
The answer is quite simple. People do not cheat because they're pigs, sows, bitches, or dogs. It all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need.
People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires. By accepting and understanding these shortcomings - instead of ignoring them - we can hopefully work harder to make sure that our partners are satisfied enough to resist any instinctual sexual urge.
you're a prisoner of your instincts
The question you have to ask yourself is which drive is stronger, and which one has a bigger influence in your life. In general, each person is different, but it is generally the physical sexual drive that dominates a person's actions.
Why? Because this drive has been present in human behavior for millions of years. Whereas the emotional monogamous need has only been around for a few thousand years, obviously a few thousand years of emotional needs will not overcome millions of years of one's evolutionary sexual drive.
Throughout history, men have argued that it is in their biological nature to desire multiple partners. Over time, we have evolved towards taking a partner in order to help raise our children and enforce a set of moral codes that contradict our stronger physical needs.
Humans are not monogamous by nature and when we ultimately choose to be faithful without the right conditions in place, we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment.
Once we can accept that 10,000 years of social monogamous behavior cannot supersede millions of years of physical evolution, only then can we learn to work around our weaknesses.
beaver-built dams
We exist as human beings on two levels: with bodies (physical instinct) - the stronger of the two (according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs) - and minds (emotional needs). In order to understand how physical instincts and emotional needs interrelate, we need to make a few comparisons.
Imagine that the sexual physical instinct of a person is the sheer brute force of natural flowing water (one of the hardest elements to contain, as proven so devastatingly recently), and the only thing that can control it is a super dam. The dam represents the human's decision to become monogamous. It will only work if the dam's foundation is built strong enough. If there are any cracks or weaknesses, the "water" will eventual break through the "dam."
In short, humans have set very difficult (but certainly attainable) objectives for themselves by choosing to be monogamous. Therefore, in order to contain our sexual drives, we need to ensure that the emotional support toward our partner is strong enough to keep our primitive instinctual urges from surfacing.
So what are these conditions that will keep the dam strong? In order to ensure a stable relationship, you must tend to all of the following reasons why people stray...
1. Physical Drive
No longer finding partner sexy or attractive
Try to stay in shape or at least maintain the same shape you had when you first met your partner (great advice from someone who’s grossly overweight – mwahahaha). Working out together is a great way to spend quality time while keeping each other physically fit and appealing.
Sex may be readily available with another
Do not deprive your spouse of his or her sexual needs - even when you don't "feel like it" or have a “headache”.
Current partner is unavailable for sex
Try to avoid spending long periods of time away from one another. Being out of town on a business trip for a few weeks isn't so bad, but letting the few weeks become months will inevitably lead to temptation.
No sexual variety
Changing your sexual routine and ensuring an array of adventurous sexual delicacies will keep your partner wanting more and wondering what will be next, instead of thinking of someone else. Haven't got a clue where to find variety to spice up your sex life? Surf the net, you fool!
Less sex
The more sex you have and the more satisfied you are, the less likely you'll go out looking for more.
2. Emotional Needs
No longer feeling accepted or desired by another
You could be having all the sex in the world, but if you don't feel accepted, respected, desired, adored, loved, or worshipped, you will always be looking for that person who will give you all these things. And when that person comes along, you might be sorely tempted to jump right in.
The challenge is not exciting and boredom sets in
The sex is fun, you're physically stimulated, but you are not emotionally stirred. And the whole mood, scene or companionship can become boring. Take part in exciting activities together in order to keep the thrill in your social life.
Fulfilling something perceived to be missing in current relationship
Just because you're satisfied, that does not mean your partner is. The only way you're going to know this is by communicating with one another. Couples should spend a few hours a week talking about their relationship, both the positives and the negatives. How can your partner help if you won't discuss things?
get real dude- there is no eternal bliss
When a person succumbs to temptation, they might forget what attracted them to their partner in the first place, and lose sight of the chemistry and infatuation they once experienced for that person. It is a delusion to believe that a relationship should always progress smoothly on the road to eternal bliss. However, focusing on the negative will lead one to perceive that they are so miserable that they seek to fulfill their needs elsewhere.
Cheating is simple; a relationship is more complicated. Cheating usually offers instant gratification, physically and emotionally. A relationship requires lots of maintenance. Giving it care and attention along with trust and communication will continuously help both people grow.
If you become involved with another person, you owe it to yourself and your partner to be honest. Creating lie upon lie will only hurt everyone involved. Take a close look at your relationship before seeking happiness with another person.
Also, remember that the new person will require just as much maintenance. No matter how green the grass looks, eventually it will need to be grained, fertilized and trimmed or before you know it, you'll have weeds all over the place.
Now that’s something to think about the next time that hot babe at the office smiles at you, boyos…and I don’t mean think with your dick, either.
Comments:
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Holy Mother of God!! Dave Avran coming out with sage advice on staying monogamous!!!What on earth have you been smoking, dude?
More importantly, can I have some??
- The Musician Who Smokes Pot
More importantly, can I have some??
- The Musician Who Smokes Pot
#
posted by 
: 2:38 PM
: 2:38 PM Wah lau weh!!! Deep deep stuff, dude. Doesn't suit your blog lah. I prefer your normal light and fluffy stuff.
- Airhead
- Airhead
#
posted by : 11:53 AM
: 11:53 AM dear airhead,
thanx for your feedback. if you want something light and fluffy, i suggest you eat an omelette.
dave avran
thanx for your feedback. if you want something light and fluffy, i suggest you eat an omelette.
dave avran
this is really profound. something that is deeply lacking in today's society. what we do not understand, we critisize. there is no way one could argue right from wrong in monogamy or polygamy. It is upright wrong, however natural it may be. Bonds, promises, relationships, feelings, respect, trust are all broken. perhaps what could be more than a topic would be HOW do we not cheat instead of WHY.
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