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"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - Anonymous
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Valentine's Day Can Be Hazardous To Your Health
Ok. I get the message. You can stop the barrage of abuse to my inbox now, thank you. While females mostly appreciated my last post on fidelity in a relationship, (albeit with a mixture of amazement, puzzlement and outright suspicion), male readers didn’t mince their words on exactly where I could stick that post. Some of them were kind enough to provide graphics on where the sun don’t shine, while others reminded me that they knew where I lived and what car I drive.
So the old male chauvinistic pig Dave is back. No more serious issues for the time being, until I can afford to quietly move house and change my car. Here’s some bluff off-the -cuff fluff to luff at while you huff and puff as you stuff your face with muff. Is that ‘nuff?
Warning: Valentine’s day can be hazardous to your health. Don’t be taken in by the hype generated by overzealous retailers eager to relieve you of your money, all in the name of love. Tina Turner was absolutely right – what’s luurve got to do with it?
When Exes Attack
If Cupid aims his arrow at you this Valentine’s Day, put a bullet in his brain. (for a complete list of hit men and prices in your neighbourhood, call me on my mobile). You don’t want to end up like these victims of deranged dumpees.
Crappy Holidays
In January 2004, Lynn Lai of Cheras reportedly threw a lit Christmas ornament loaded with kerosene at her ex, Dean Lai, as he entered his home. She is also suspected of distributing letters accusing Dean of pedophilia. Then on May 18, she allegedly shot and killed him while he was walking his dog. But we heard he was a pedophile, so it’s cool with us.
Spurned Writer Sends Scarlet Letter
Freelance writer Mavis Mah extended her artistry to advanced vandalism in April 2004, when she wrote the words bastard and bitch in red spray paint on the 1 Utama home of her ex-husband and his mistress. The house was later sold at a considerably discounted price to expatriate Butch Bustard, who was the only prospective buyer.
The Datin strikes back
In May 2003 Datin Faridah, who suspected her spouse Datuk Kamal of philandering, cut off the sleeves from his Saville Row suits, poured red paint on his BMW and gave away 70 bottles of his vintage wines. She said her actions gave her “a hell of a buzz, better than drugs.” Police later reported confiscating a pirated vcd of “Waiting To Exhale” from the still-high Datin.
Woman Cripples Handicapped Ex
In June 2003, Annie Ang of Kepong saw her ex-boyfriend Michael Tan sitting in his wheelchair and chatting up some babe. So Ang reportedly flipped his chair over and bashed him on the head with one of his crutches, then took off with his wallet and one of his wheels. She spent a night in jail and the press credited her for inventing the term “handicapping the handicapped”.
Tit for Tit
In 2002, Sheila Samynathan caught her boy Andy @ Muniandy getting jiggy with her best friend Pamela Pragasam, to the tune of Tone Loc’s “wild thing” on the stereo. The furtively friggin’ pair thought they had seen the last of her as she tearfully made her exit, Bollywood style. When Andy returned home later that night, he found his grossly overweight brother Kris @ Krishnan furiously humping Sheila as “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother” wafted from his Cd player.
So the old male chauvinistic pig Dave is back. No more serious issues for the time being, until I can afford to quietly move house and change my car. Here’s some bluff off-the -cuff fluff to luff at while you huff and puff as you stuff your face with muff. Is that ‘nuff?
Warning: Valentine’s day can be hazardous to your health. Don’t be taken in by the hype generated by overzealous retailers eager to relieve you of your money, all in the name of love. Tina Turner was absolutely right – what’s luurve got to do with it?
When Exes Attack
If Cupid aims his arrow at you this Valentine’s Day, put a bullet in his brain. (for a complete list of hit men and prices in your neighbourhood, call me on my mobile). You don’t want to end up like these victims of deranged dumpees.
Crappy Holidays
In January 2004, Lynn Lai of Cheras reportedly threw a lit Christmas ornament loaded with kerosene at her ex, Dean Lai, as he entered his home. She is also suspected of distributing letters accusing Dean of pedophilia. Then on May 18, she allegedly shot and killed him while he was walking his dog. But we heard he was a pedophile, so it’s cool with us.
Spurned Writer Sends Scarlet Letter
Freelance writer Mavis Mah extended her artistry to advanced vandalism in April 2004, when she wrote the words bastard and bitch in red spray paint on the 1 Utama home of her ex-husband and his mistress. The house was later sold at a considerably discounted price to expatriate Butch Bustard, who was the only prospective buyer.
The Datin strikes back
In May 2003 Datin Faridah, who suspected her spouse Datuk Kamal of philandering, cut off the sleeves from his Saville Row suits, poured red paint on his BMW and gave away 70 bottles of his vintage wines. She said her actions gave her “a hell of a buzz, better than drugs.” Police later reported confiscating a pirated vcd of “Waiting To Exhale” from the still-high Datin.
Woman Cripples Handicapped Ex
In June 2003, Annie Ang of Kepong saw her ex-boyfriend Michael Tan sitting in his wheelchair and chatting up some babe. So Ang reportedly flipped his chair over and bashed him on the head with one of his crutches, then took off with his wallet and one of his wheels. She spent a night in jail and the press credited her for inventing the term “handicapping the handicapped”.
Tit for Tit
In 2002, Sheila Samynathan caught her boy Andy @ Muniandy getting jiggy with her best friend Pamela Pragasam, to the tune of Tone Loc’s “wild thing” on the stereo. The furtively friggin’ pair thought they had seen the last of her as she tearfully made her exit, Bollywood style. When Andy returned home later that night, he found his grossly overweight brother Kris @ Krishnan furiously humping Sheila as “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother” wafted from his Cd player.
Comments:
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Deep Sigh...Just when we thought there was some hope for your redemption, you promptly go and slide backwards. You're beyond help, you pathetic alpha male creep :)LOL
Audrey
Audrey
#
posted by 
: 2:57 PM
: 2:57 PM You have a sick,sick mind. The last bit "tit for tit" had me rolling on the floor with laughter at the unbelievable names. Keep up your peculiar brand of entertaining nonsense, Dave...you make my mondays more bearable!
Sam @ Samikandan 3.01PM 30/01/05
Sam @ Samikandan 3.01PM 30/01/05
#
posted by : 3:04 PM
: 3:04 PM Wahahahahahahaha!! You are one funny dude.
btw, you would'nt happen to have Sheila's
phone number would you?
Salim
Post a Comment btw, you would'nt happen to have Sheila's
phone number would you?
Salim
#
posted by : 12:15 PM
: 12:15 PM<< Home
