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Monday, July 31, 2006

You are enjoying your first meal together and everything seems to be going in your favor. That is, until you let a comment slip about your latest vacation romance. Suddenly, everything goes sour and you wonder to yourself, what went wrong?

There are certain subjects that you should absolutely avoid bringing up on a date. If you enter a serious relationship with a woman, these topics will come up eventually, but for the time being, consider the following five topics taboo for the first few dates with a woman.

1 - Your vices
Why it’s taboo: Treat your first few dates with a woman as you would a job interview -- you wouldn’t want her to find out anything about you that would make you seem unreliable in the long run. So steer clear of any talk of your smoking, binge drinking and any other iniquitous behavior. Essentially, don’t bring up anything that she might construe as a bad habit of yours. Of course, you will have to come clean in the long run (or she’ll just figure it out on her own), but keep these to yourself for the first few dates.

2 - Money
Why it’s taboo: The motto when it comes to money is “show, don’t tell.” Talking about any financial issues with a woman early on is considered tacky. This includes all references to your salary, the kind of car you drive and how much you pay for your rent or mortgage. While you may think that your financial status will enhance your appeal to women, it’s better if she learns about your financial status in more subtle ways.

For example, picking her up in a nice car comes across much better than telling her that you drive a nice car. Or if you’d like her to know that you’re a big spender, make sure to pay for an extravagant dinner. Women consider a guy to be classy if he’s quiet about his earnings because it shows that he doesn’t need to prove himself, he is just confident with the way he is.

Believe it or not, women don't want you to talk about your future together.

3 - Past conquests
Why it’s taboo: You might think that if she knows you are a man in demand, you will be more desirable, however, telling her about your past dating experiences is not only boring for her, but it makes you sound like a player as well. Unless she asks a direct question on the subject, avoid all talk of your past conquests. This includes all exes, past flings and one-night stands.

4 - Your ailments
Why it’s taboo: If the only thing you can think of to tell her about yourself is that you have a knee, wrist or hip problem, you really need to brush up on your conversational skills. It’s not that you have to hide your ailments specifically; they are generally not deal breakers anyway. But on your first few dates with a woman, you only have a short amount of time to impress her. So if you spend half an hour complaining about your various medical conditions, she is going to think you’re a weak, self-pitying whiner.

5 - The future
Why it’s taboo: Yes, women generally want men that are serious minded and thinking about the future. But they don’t want crazy and clingy men either.

There’s a fine balance between coming across as independent and still showing you’re looking to hook up with her. If, on the second date you start talking about how many kids you want or the trip you’ll take together, you’ll come across as too needy and you could end up scaring her off. Do talk about the future once you are actually in a relationship, but hold off until that point.

bite your tongue

Of course there are women who are off tangent, like the one who told me I over complimented her after our 1st meal together. She had a problem with that and said that she needed time to digest everything I’d said.

To be honest, I was just telling the plain truth. She had a lot of good qualities and I merely pointed them out, but not to the point of overkill. I’m sure of that. Still, it led to an awkwardness which should not have occurred.

You will need to walk on eggshells with women like these because they will pick your sentences apart and analyse them for compliments, which they will then be hard put to accept. So what do you do in situations like these? You have to make an executive decision – are they worth the trouble?

The first few dates with a woman are all about giving her a good impression. Of course you have faults, we all do, but you don’t need to point them out to her right off the bat. So if you’re careful to avoid the taboo topics listed above, your first few dates should be smooth sailing.

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Monday, July 24, 2006


What do you do when you’re introduced to a girl who’s friendly, sassy, sharp as a pin and sports a major attitude, while having dinner at a hotel with an old friend? You speak to her for three minutes and come away with a favourable impression.

What do you do when this same girl sends you press releases and info on the hotel’s promos? - You put them up on your website. What do you do when this entails working closely and leads to sms-es, phone calls and msn chats?

She may be young but the woman’s got an opinion on everything and a major attitude to boot. She will not hesitate to hentam me kow kow if she thought I was out of line, which I find very refreshing.

What do you do when she tells you that she's 23 years old and you almost have apoplexy as you tell her you’re 47 and old enough to be her father and she still wants to be friends and go out? What do you do when she says sod wine cos it’s pretentious shit and let’s drink beer? That’s exactly my kind of person.

What do you do when you ask her to take care cos she’s coughing and has the flu and she blasts you that she can take care of herself and runs for cover? You ask her if she’s been hurt before and she says “no”.

Later on she tells you she’s just out of a relationship the past two months. Which explains the Mimosa effect to me. One tough cookie, like my momma’s chapattis.

What do you do when you tell her your ex was also a Libra but she was very diplomatic and she can come out with lines like “I don’t care what you think of me” or “your opinion is just your opinion” She’s a completely different Libra from the norm – upfront and in-your-face.

No, we have not been out. It’s only been phone calls, sms-es and msn. I guess it’s now down to the basics – will it be worth dodging the landmines (dealing with the attitude to get to break through) to the person behind?

From experience, it can be quite tiring to put up with precociousness and Mimosas get boring after a while. Also, all parties concerned are reading this blog right now so watch this space for more fireworks.
The following is a sample of Mimosa’s writing which she kindly shared with me. I have her permission to publish it.
Perfection As An Existence
I don't want to live in depression
But there seems to be so much complication
I'm dying to get out of this frustration
But I don't seem to have an option
I am craving for happy emotions
But all I feel is tension and agitation
Why must there be limitations?
Why must I be in such position?
Writing to me is a combination
Of both passion and addiction
I don't crave for people's attention
I don't believe in first impression
I don't care about people's perception
I don't care about other's observation
Because I don't want it to affect my motivation
But I do want some sort of connection
From the public, to determine my mission
It allows me to do some reflection
And to get out of this confusion
My insecurity of writing is demanding me for a decision
I need concentration
Fill me in with no hesitation
What exactly is my intention?
To make a living out of writing, my ambition?
There will be so many expectations
Can I handle the situation?
I need information and more information
To spell out what is perfectionI have a mission
I have a vision
But with low determination
I need to set focus to my destination
Before I die of exhaustion
I believe in my own intuition
I believe in my own invention
But I still need clarification
To determine my perfection

- Mimosa

What can I say but tsk tsk...children nowadays - very the rosak.

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Monday, July 17, 2006

the new service mantra Posted by Picasa
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Bad Service in F&B outlets

Readers Digest magazine has made it official – Malaysians are the 3rd rudest people in the world. Surprised Malaysians who have been on planet Football these last few days are all in a flap over this news. Me? I’ve been bitching about this for years.

Coming from an F&B background and being ol skool to boot, my pet peeve is poor service. My motto is simple – the money’s in my pocket to spend, and you’re one of thousands of outlets, so why should I patronise you?

Somewhere, somehow, very sinisterly and subtly there has been a paradigm shift. Today if you want service you have to kiss the bartender’s ass. It’s his job to stand there and ignore you. You have to get his attention and beg for another drink, which he will fix when he has the mood and can find the time.

This happens repeatedly in outlet after outlet nowadays. I like to sit at the bar and people watch. Now if you can’t get service at the bar itself, what about the rest of the outlet?

So I sat down and started to analyse this new trend of ignoring customers. I found the root case of the problem. It’s the outlets’ owners who are propogating this horrible and disgusting culture.

There’s this outlet I used to call my favourite. It’s along Asian Heritage Row and positioned to take advantage of the pre and post party crowd from the Loft, Chynna, Maison, Atrium et al. I used to be there every other day and I’d order a bottle of JD.

I was there with the Area Sales Manager from Guinness Anchor one day and we were drinking Heineken at the bar when they ran out of stock of Heineken. I’ve been in the business long enough to know that you can “borrow” stock from your neighbours, particularly if one of your main sponsor’s big wigs is sitting at your bar.

Not this place. The bartender decided to ignore us. We called for a bucket of Heineken. Nothing happened. We again called for a bucket of Heineken. Again nothing happened. I called the Manager. This guy is Indian, and specializes in jamming his humongous coat-attired frame into some dark doorway and “disappearing” the whole night, emerging only at the end of the month to collect his salary.

No action. nothing happened. Furious, I sms-ed the owners. No reply.

That’s when I found out the owner’s wife insisted on employing her cronies to run the place. Qualifications not necessary. Kiss my ass and you have a job. Customer service? Duuuuh, what’s that?

In Bangsar, next to the NST offices you have a brand new outlet that relocated from behind the Bangsar Shopping Complex. It has so much potential to do well. Sadly, It is badly managed. None of the top management team are qualified to run an outlet. Tell the owners that and you get a “but they’re my friends what?”

In Damansara Intan, a Doctor friend has invested a huge amount of money in a “fishy” outlet and again let his experienced friend run the place. This friend uses musicians as his tools. I pay you RM300 to perform live, you call your friends
and pack up the place and earn me RM5000 that night. Brilliant isn’t it? I wonder why nobody else has stumbled on this formula. When it doesn’t work he sacks the musicians.

I could go on and on ad nauseum about this new trend of blatantly ignoring customers, but I think you get the point. Don’t contribute to this malignant disease – walk out if you’re not given the proper respect and service you deserve.

Better still, post a comment here and start a forum if you’ve been badly treated.

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